another year..

Another year has come and gone.  This is the last of my 30's.. Makes me a little sad.  Dano and I went to lunch yesterday (Yes, I kept her out of school.  It's good to play hooky once in a while no?) and had a really fun day together.  Amazing that, this child that I created, has such different tastes than I do!! HA!  We went to Buffalo Wild Wings, which we both love, (THANK GOODNESS!) and she learned more on how to play poker with that table game thingy... I know, Mom of the year right?  haha  Anyway, after that she decided she wanted to get a DRESS for her Star award banquet this coming Friday.  Each year for state testing she's always scored almost the top of the class, last year was no exception.  She's getting another Gold Medal.  :)  I am very proud of her.  Now, back to the "taste" in clothing thing... hhmmm, where do I even start?  Things I picked out thinking, "kinda plain, simple, she's not really into dresses so these should be safe"... she turns around and picks out PROM dresses!  WTH!?!  Like with FLOWERS and lace and ruffles and "poofy" bottoms...  I. Don't. Get. It.  WHO is this kid?!  Long story short, WE decided on a black dress, thicker "lace" strap thingys which are a bit wider than the two finger width requirement, and a "shrug".  WHAT is that anyway?  Oh, Newsflash.  I don't WEAR dresses.  Or "shrugs", whatever they are.  She did look beautiful when she was trying them all on.  THAT was actually fun.  OH! WHAT 12 year old (barely) girl wears a 9 1/2 shoe!!? Good grief, I am having issues.. HAHA  Her feet are bigger than mine, her poor chest is bigger than mine EVER was at any age near 12 (I was a late bloomer, flat chested til almost 14) I can't stop smiling right now.  As frustrating as my 12 year old is, she is SUCH a blast.  I can honestly say I know I wasn't anything like her at 12.  I was more reserved, took care of my younger siblings, played "Mom" for years... so it's hard for me to figure out WHO this kid is that I am trying to raise.  Quite honestly, so far so good.  I may be right, or wrong, who knows, but she is my very best friend in the world.  I am her mother first, but man, when I don't have to be "Mom", we have such a great time together.  I am trying to cherish every minute of this, because I fear like all mothers do, that she'll hit the magical age where she will hate me.  She will stop telling me everything.  I will be the "enemy".  I can't bear that thought yet.  We've discussed that, we'll I've brought it up to her, and then she cries and tells me she will NEVER ever hate me, and that she wants to be with me forever..  I know, a 12 year old talking...  I just want life to slow down a little bit, and keep my little girl little, as long as I can....   Happy Birthday to me.  :)

This was the day before her 3rd Birthday at Disneyland 9 years ago... Just the two of us.. THAT was a great Birthday... :) 

It's all good..

I've finally given up.  Not in a bad way.  Just given up trying to control or change anything.  It seems I'm less stressed just letting things just "be".  I can't change anyone else, well besides Dano, and that is slowly becoming increasingly more difficult.  I can control me.  I can change me.  That's it.  And it's ok.  It's a good thing.  Now, the other part of that is ACCEPTING it.  I'm getting there.  REALLY slowly.  haha.  I accept that I can't change people, but it really is hard to accept that I still WANT to.  Ya know?  Dano's Dad for instance.  I can't change him and how he treats or acts with her.  I can make suggestions, but I can't "CHANGE" any of it.  I still WANT to tho.  Because I am her mother, and we are VERY close, much closer than they have been in years,  I WANT to change how he is.  Not to be mean, or ruin their relationship, but to help it.  Help him understand her, and make it easier maybe?  I mean, come on, she's 12.  And getting to "that" point that her hormones are going to make him inSANE.  He thought I was bad.  HA!  Buddy, you got another thing comin.  I can deal with her and her mood swings, even her FRIENDS (bestie, whatever they are called).  I am the "go to" Mom in answering her friends questions about "girl stuff".  It's all good.  I'm learning what I need to sugar coat, and what I don't.  I like it.  I don't talk to my own mother for reasons  besides that we just don't get along, but all my friends went to her.  Not for this stuff per se` but a lot of them called my mom "Mom".  I don't get that now, nor do I want it, but I AM "DanosMom" and have been since she started school.  I like that tho.  "DanosMom".. sounds pretty cool to me.  Anyway, today is a good day.  No negativity.  I can do my best to change Dano in positive ways, and help her to become a proper young lady... but that's about it.  And it's ok.  :)

Frustrated Parent..

Ok so last night, I posted this on G+: 
"You do everything you can to be a good parent... To be the BEST parent you can be to your child. You teach them trust and the dangers and damages of lies. WHY for the love of God don't they listen?! It is soo frustrating and I don't know that I'll ever live up to the Good parenting standards. I was a good kid I had pretty high hopes that I would be a good parent. But I think there's only so much I can do and they make their own choices. They have to suffer the consequences but so do I. Live and learn I guess."
In that vein, of trying to be a good parent, I finally accepted that SOMEHOW thru osmosis or something, Dano has been gifted my wonderful trait of PROCRASTINATION.  oh. goody.  One of the things she HAS to do at school to maintain good grades is umm....  READ.  Now, I LOVE to read.  She must have inherited the lack of desire of reading from her dad.  Anyway, so she has to read like 3 books a trimester to keep her grade up.  I said TRIMESTER.. so like THREE months..  well, today was the cut off to get all the books in and tested to see how well you did.  So what did Dano do?  STARTED her book yesterday morning before school.  REALLY!?!  She stayed up late last night to keep reading it, and this morning at 8:10 she called me to tell me she finished it..  300+ pages.   Ok, I am skeptical.  But, we'll see.  She told me she will sneak out and text me whether or not she passed the test for the book.  IF she does, we get to celebrate at Spunky Steer's and have a couple nice Steaks and potatoes for dinner... (Which I REALLY want.. )  but if she doesn't pass, she's grounded for like a month.  I hate this part of parenting. I wish it was fun time all the time.  Anyway, back to the post I did last night.  So she's in counseling with a Psychologist.  And last night she had a meeting with her, and her dad was there too.  I was informed when she got home, that she was not honest with the counselor BECAUSE he was there, and she didn't want to cause upset with him, so answered the questions the way she thought he wanted to hear.  THAT PISSED ME OFF.  I've told her REPEATEDLY to TELL THE TRUTH.  There are consequences for NOT doing that which she is going to learn really quickly.  Not only is SHE going to be upset, I will too because she knew better.  So I called the counselors office to inform them of this, and requested that she meet alone with her again, ASAP to clear the air.  I hope that will work, and I hope Dano learns that she can't keep doing this.  Hurting someone with the TRUTH is far better than lying to them to keep them happy.  They will eventually find out the truth and that could be devastating.  :(