To name a few, I am back in touch with one of my closest friends, because I found out from one of the kids, that she might have brain cancer. REALLY?! Cancer? Long story short, it turns out to be a tumor that can't be removed. We are too young for this sort of shit! Brain tumors.. no. Not to people we know. During the process of this, in talking to my brother, things seemed "off". Off in a way you kind of know in your gut something is wrong. Since he is really the only person in my family I "talk to" on the regular, I did some "googling" like everyone says to do, and I found an obituary.. Of my Mother's passing. So there's that. Granted, I didn't talk to her much but to find that on the internet, is difficult, so I found the strength to call my dad, and finally after a few days got a hold of him and found out the details of her passing (4 days shy of her 64th birthday). Another Brain thing, aneurysm. It was rather quick and for that I am so grateful, I'd hate to have heard she suffered as she had during her life. Anyway, I also found out my brother married, four days later, ON my mother's Birthday, which He told me about, however, he FAILED to mention her passing..(I didn't know of her passing when he told me he had married, I found out after he told me of his marriage et al, that's where things seemed "off" and I found the obit) Ok, so that placed a rather large wedge between us, and I immediately ceased speaking to him for a few months. Not sure why he felt that necessity, but that's on him and I'll never find out why because I'll never ask. (As of this posting today, we are speaking (read: Texting again) He received 50/50 custody of his now 3 or 4 year old son last month, which is fantastic, and I'm very happy for him, and I also just found out that his new wife is wait for it.... Pregnant. Between them, they'll have 5 kids. Congratulations.
So... on my home front... let's see... I'm still working (part time right now (furlough time) it is what it is, I kinda like that day off even if it is unpaid, it's not too bad.. and studying to take on another job, because let's face it.. in this economy who's not out there trying to get a second or third job nowadays! Especially in a ONE income household.. The kid got her first job, I am so proud of her!! She's learning how to deal with bosses and that you can't talk back to them like you can to "mom" and that it sucks. However, one of her bosses called her "a 1/3 of a person" the other day and I about blew a gasket. She said she was ok, and I told her "Oh Hell No you are NOT ok, that is NOT ok, and bosses are NOT to condescend you like that, and should be reprimanded!" So she did speak to another boss, and did get that taken care of, thankfully. She is learning "office politics" and oh she does not like it but she's learning to handle it. It's fun to listen to.
She's a senior this year, and getting ready to apply to college. I can't believe she's going to LEAVE me. For reals. LEAVE. As in and entirely different STATE. But, she'll be closer to grandparents so she's ok with it. Uh, what am I? Chopped liver?! Thanks a lot!
She's driving now.. She has a Honda Accord (Used) that she just loves.. we've had to replace some parts, and spend some of her "paychecks" that she's not too thrilled with, but I explained, "That, my dear, is LIFE". We have things that break, we have to spend our money. Of course I helped her to pay for it, but I won't be around forever, when she's off to college, so we are working on a budget now, to save save save! She doesn't like having only $20 a week to "waste".. she'll learn. I just want to teach her EVERY possible thing I can before she leaves for college. It's not like I haven't had 17 years to do it, I feel like I have to cram so much into such little time. I've tried to be hero, all these years, I want to be HER hero, but she's got this I think? Does she? Will she? I know she'll call me every day, but she won't "need to" I think it'll be more for me, maybe equally for her, I don't know. She's stronger than she thinks. She wrote a paper for school and said I was her Hero. But I don't know, I don't think so anymore. I think she's becoming such a strong young woman, she just doesn't see it yet. She will, soon enough. Right?
Anyway that is just in the last 4.5 months. Like I said, so much has changed. I can't even remember a year back. So we'll just leave it at that. Oh and I am talking to my dad more and I couldn't be happier, he is MY hero after all.
“Maybe I’m not the hero to her I've always tried so hard to be, because right now, I feel as if she doesn't even need a hero. Why would she? She has someone so much stronger than I’ll ever be for her. She has herself.”
― Colleen Hoover, Maybe Someday
