Well.. Here we go again. She didn't go to college. She didn't have a dorm room to set up. She didn't leave home to go to school. I on the other hand, left the damn near most expensive state in the country, (Cali) and started over. I am very glad I did. She came with me for less than 2 weeks to help me get situated. Then, she went to Hawaii to spend time with her Dad before College started. She went paddle boarding, fishing, and hiking.. She had a blast.
I unpacked, and got ready to start a new job. Sounds about normal. ish.
Then she said she wanted to leave Hawaii after 2 months, and come back "home". I thought she meant MY home. So I got her a ticket back to Cali, she was going to get her car and head to me. Ya, that isn't the happy ending I was looking for. She decided she isn't going to college. Nope, it's not "my thing" she said. Full ride. Paid for. And she turned it down. She stayed in California for almost a year, living with different friends from high school. She worked to have her own money.. she was happy. I thought.
THEN came the news. I want to join the Air Force. Ok, that's fine. She could learn something during her time there. 1/2 way thru that process, she changed her mind to join the Navy instead. She went thru about 3 months of meetings, and all kinds of stuff. She went to boot camp (in Illinois) on the day that would have been my mom's 65th birthday. Long story short, she scored very high on the entrance test (ASVAB) that she is now in Nuke School. It's better than nothing, and she's happy to have made her OWN decision. Not what Grama wanted, not what Mom or Dad wanted, HER decision. And she couldn't be happier. It is tough she said, schooling.. but she wants to be in the belly of a submarine for her "job." I'm still on the fence about that.
I however, had the job I moved for. Then, they ran out of work. I got another job, and had more than one boss, and I could never finish anything because the other boss gave me more work. That didn't work out.
At All. So, I quit and decided to start working for myself.
I have a few companies that I'm working on, that I should start seeing dividends beginning of 2020. I'm happy. I get to spend time with my dad for 6 months of the year (when it snows 6 feet at his house he comes down here).
Life is good. ish.
"If life were predictable it would cease to be life, and be without flavor." -Eleanor Roosevelt
Showing posts with label blessed. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blessed. Show all posts
Thursday, November 7, 2019
Tuesday, September 26, 2017
it's been 10 years...
It's been 10 years now. 10 long years since I started this thing. And stopped. Then started again. And stopped again, and you get the picture. I'm supposed to be committed to it. And I am. Kind of. I look back at 10 years of posts, before I mentioned anybody by name, and spoke a lot about "the kid".. Looking back and reading all the old posts.. I had a lot of insight. I feel like I've become so jaded. It's a little sad. And depressing. Is it because of where I work? Friends? People no longer friends? Why is that? I think over time, it just happens to everyone eventually. So much has changed over the past 10 years. Shit, so much has changed in the past year, hell even in the past 6 months! I am AMAZED, dumbfounded even at how much things constantly change.
To name a few, I am back in touch with one of my closest friends, because I found out from one of the kids, that she might have brain cancer. REALLY?! Cancer? Long story short, it turns out to be a tumor that can't be removed. We are too young for this sort of shit! Brain tumors.. no. Not to people we know. During the process of this, in talking to my brother, things seemed "off". Off in a way you kind of know in your gut something is wrong. Since he is really the only person in my family I "talk to" on the regular, I did some "googling" like everyone says to do, and I found an obituary.. Of my Mother's passing. So there's that. Granted, I didn't talk to her much but to find that on the internet, is difficult, so I found the strength to call my dad, and finally after a few days got a hold of him and found out the details of her passing (4 days shy of her 64th birthday). Another Brain thing, aneurysm. It was rather quick and for that I am so grateful, I'd hate to have heard she suffered as she had during her life. Anyway, I also found out my brother married, four days later, ON my mother's Birthday, which He told me about, however, he FAILED to mention her passing..(I didn't know of her passing when he told me he had married, I found out after he told me of his marriage et al, that's where things seemed "off" and I found the obit) Ok, so that placed a rather large wedge between us, and I immediately ceased speaking to him for a few months. Not sure why he felt that necessity, but that's on him and I'll never find out why because I'll never ask. (As of this posting today, we are speaking (read: Texting again) He received 50/50 custody of his now 3 or 4 year old son last month, which is fantastic, and I'm very happy for him, and I also just found out that his new wife is wait for it.... Pregnant. Between them, they'll have 5 kids. Congratulations.
So... on my home front... let's see... I'm still working (part time right now (furlough time) it is what it is, I kinda like that day off even if it is unpaid, it's not too bad.. and studying to take on another job, because let's face it.. in this economy who's not out there trying to get a second or third job nowadays! Especially in a ONE income household.. The kid got her first job, I am so proud of her!! She's learning how to deal with bosses and that you can't talk back to them like you can to "mom" and that it sucks. However, one of her bosses called her "a 1/3 of a person" the other day and I about blew a gasket. She said she was ok, and I told her "Oh Hell No you are NOT ok, that is NOT ok, and bosses are NOT to condescend you like that, and should be reprimanded!" So she did speak to another boss, and did get that taken care of, thankfully. She is learning "office politics" and oh she does not like it but she's learning to handle it. It's fun to listen to.
She's a senior this year, and getting ready to apply to college. I can't believe she's going to LEAVE me. For reals. LEAVE. As in and entirely different STATE. But, she'll be closer to grandparents so she's ok with it. Uh, what am I? Chopped liver?! Thanks a lot!
She's driving now.. She has a Honda Accord (Used) that she just loves.. we've had to replace some parts, and spend some of her "paychecks" that she's not too thrilled with, but I explained, "That, my dear, is LIFE". We have things that break, we have to spend our money. Of course I helped her to pay for it, but I won't be around forever, when she's off to college, so we are working on a budget now, to save save save! She doesn't like having only $20 a week to "waste".. she'll learn. I just want to teach her EVERY possible thing I can before she leaves for college. It's not like I haven't had 17 years to do it, I feel like I have to cram so much into such little time. I've tried to be hero, all these years, I want to be HER hero, but she's got this I think? Does she? Will she? I know she'll call me every day, but she won't "need to" I think it'll be more for me, maybe equally for her, I don't know. She's stronger than she thinks. She wrote a paper for school and said I was her Hero. But I don't know, I don't think so anymore. I think she's becoming such a strong young woman, she just doesn't see it yet. She will, soon enough. Right?
Anyway that is just in the last 4.5 months. Like I said, so much has changed. I can't even remember a year back. So we'll just leave it at that. Oh and I am talking to my dad more and I couldn't be happier, he is MY hero after all.
“Maybe I’m not the hero to her I've always tried so hard to be, because right now, I feel as if she doesn't even need a hero. Why would she? She has someone so much stronger than I’ll ever be for her. She has herself.”
― Colleen Hoover, Maybe Someday
To name a few, I am back in touch with one of my closest friends, because I found out from one of the kids, that she might have brain cancer. REALLY?! Cancer? Long story short, it turns out to be a tumor that can't be removed. We are too young for this sort of shit! Brain tumors.. no. Not to people we know. During the process of this, in talking to my brother, things seemed "off". Off in a way you kind of know in your gut something is wrong. Since he is really the only person in my family I "talk to" on the regular, I did some "googling" like everyone says to do, and I found an obituary.. Of my Mother's passing. So there's that. Granted, I didn't talk to her much but to find that on the internet, is difficult, so I found the strength to call my dad, and finally after a few days got a hold of him and found out the details of her passing (4 days shy of her 64th birthday). Another Brain thing, aneurysm. It was rather quick and for that I am so grateful, I'd hate to have heard she suffered as she had during her life. Anyway, I also found out my brother married, four days later, ON my mother's Birthday, which He told me about, however, he FAILED to mention her passing..(I didn't know of her passing when he told me he had married, I found out after he told me of his marriage et al, that's where things seemed "off" and I found the obit) Ok, so that placed a rather large wedge between us, and I immediately ceased speaking to him for a few months. Not sure why he felt that necessity, but that's on him and I'll never find out why because I'll never ask. (As of this posting today, we are speaking (read: Texting again) He received 50/50 custody of his now 3 or 4 year old son last month, which is fantastic, and I'm very happy for him, and I also just found out that his new wife is wait for it.... Pregnant. Between them, they'll have 5 kids. Congratulations.
So... on my home front... let's see... I'm still working (part time right now (furlough time) it is what it is, I kinda like that day off even if it is unpaid, it's not too bad.. and studying to take on another job, because let's face it.. in this economy who's not out there trying to get a second or third job nowadays! Especially in a ONE income household.. The kid got her first job, I am so proud of her!! She's learning how to deal with bosses and that you can't talk back to them like you can to "mom" and that it sucks. However, one of her bosses called her "a 1/3 of a person" the other day and I about blew a gasket. She said she was ok, and I told her "Oh Hell No you are NOT ok, that is NOT ok, and bosses are NOT to condescend you like that, and should be reprimanded!" So she did speak to another boss, and did get that taken care of, thankfully. She is learning "office politics" and oh she does not like it but she's learning to handle it. It's fun to listen to.
She's a senior this year, and getting ready to apply to college. I can't believe she's going to LEAVE me. For reals. LEAVE. As in and entirely different STATE. But, she'll be closer to grandparents so she's ok with it. Uh, what am I? Chopped liver?! Thanks a lot!
She's driving now.. She has a Honda Accord (Used) that she just loves.. we've had to replace some parts, and spend some of her "paychecks" that she's not too thrilled with, but I explained, "That, my dear, is LIFE". We have things that break, we have to spend our money. Of course I helped her to pay for it, but I won't be around forever, when she's off to college, so we are working on a budget now, to save save save! She doesn't like having only $20 a week to "waste".. she'll learn. I just want to teach her EVERY possible thing I can before she leaves for college. It's not like I haven't had 17 years to do it, I feel like I have to cram so much into such little time. I've tried to be hero, all these years, I want to be HER hero, but she's got this I think? Does she? Will she? I know she'll call me every day, but she won't "need to" I think it'll be more for me, maybe equally for her, I don't know. She's stronger than she thinks. She wrote a paper for school and said I was her Hero. But I don't know, I don't think so anymore. I think she's becoming such a strong young woman, she just doesn't see it yet. She will, soon enough. Right?
Anyway that is just in the last 4.5 months. Like I said, so much has changed. I can't even remember a year back. So we'll just leave it at that. Oh and I am talking to my dad more and I couldn't be happier, he is MY hero after all.
“Maybe I’m not the hero to her I've always tried so hard to be, because right now, I feel as if she doesn't even need a hero. Why would she? She has someone so much stronger than I’ll ever be for her. She has herself.”
― Colleen Hoover, Maybe Someday
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Times change..
I am not even sure where to begin today. Yesterday I buried my dear Friend Laurie. She was 41 years young. She was my big buddy in High School. We shared a few classes together with the same teacher, Mr. Hufferd aka "Huff". He was there at the services. After it was over, the girls (Tiffany, Brittany & Shannon) and I took Huff to lunch. We had a lovely time. I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with Huff who will be turning 80 about the same time I will be turning 40 next year. I was really disappointed by the lack of "friends" from HS to show up for the services. I know everyone is different and they all "have lives" to live etc.. but I can't wrap my head around, what is SOOO important in your great life, that you couldn't take a few hours out of your day to say good bye to a friend. Granted, there have been 1 maybe 2 funerals I did not attend because I would have been a broken down blubbering mess and ruined everything. But I just can't see that what 30-40 people would have done the same at one funeral? Anyway, that has been weighing heavily on my mind today. I have no family, so to spend time with Huff listening to stories gave me a sense of "family" again and that was very comforting to me. I miss Laurie. She was at my house last for a gathering of friends before I moved. Those happen now and again, but it won't be the same without her. I think I'll have to do another one anyway, around Christmas time, and host friends that ARE still around.. My brain is having a hard time adjusting and many thoughts flying around. Dano saw Lauries picture on the funeral card, and exclaimed "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME IT WAS HER!?" I didn't think Dano remembered her, she only saw her a handful of times, and it wasn't like Dano was really interested or so I thought. She was upset at me for not letting her go with me, but I had to be Mom and made her attend school. It's just how it is. I miss Laurie's smile, and laughter, and her ability to make you smile even if you are in a crying fit. Her sarcasm taught me so well, and that will be missed terribly. I am really not sure where to go with this, I think I just needed to write it down so I didn't keep dwelling.. I can't wait to meet up with her again some day.
One of Laurie's Favorite sayings... :)
One of Laurie's Favorite sayings... :)
Monday, July 9, 2012
All moved in... Sorta..
So Dano and I are finally moved in for the most part.. I still have some boxes of shit in the garage, I really need to go thru and just donate to clean up some space. I LOVE the new house. A lot. :) It's too big, but I don't care. Dano is OVER THE MOON. She has a new BFF next door, named Kira (pronounced like Keira as in Knightly) and they are inseparable. She got two puppies (well, 9 months old or so) Black mouth Cur is the breed... ADORABLE!! Love them. Well, I love all dogs... (bigger than a terrier tho, I can't stand yippy dogs... ) They are howling at night because they are new to the house.. Well, let me back up a second.. Lilah, my BABY great dane / pit mix is a SCAREDY CAT! 4th of July, she FLIPPED out during fireworks.. she'd never seen them so they scared the shit outta her :( Well, last night (a week after the holiday) I tried taking Lilah out front again. NOPE. Dragged my ass back to the front door.. Poor thing, I'll keep trying. The kids lit off LOUD ass fireworks last night.. FREAKED my baby out, AGAIN. She ran FLED into the house, THROUGH the screen door, upstairs to MY room, into my closet. I HATE that she is so afraid... long story short, I worked with her a while, and got her back outside. Then the two puppies next door started howling. It sounded soo funny to me, but poor Lilah, has her head cocked to the side, and her ears back (looks like she's in a wind tunnel)... and starts howling at them. I gave up and took her with me to take a bath and relax... I bathed, she laid in the closet watching me.
Hhhmmm that got a little off topic! LOL Back to Dano.. so she decided last night, she wants to stay home and hang out with the kids today. I'm all for that, but her dad doesn't think she's old enough to be home alone. Well, technically it's not home alone.. it's hanging out with friends in the neighborhood... and their Moms are home. (I'm jealous... I want to be home too!) As y'all know, Dano tells me everything... So last night she tells me, Mom, the girls want to try to sneak into the movies tomorrow. Ok, have fun. I don't have a problem with her doing that, but explained what happens when they get caught, and that it won't turn out well, and that she should try to talk to the girls today before attempting this, to try to sway them. I don't know if it'll work but she said she'd call me. What I wouldn't give to be her age again, and have close friends... (I didn't have any, long boring story... )
I hope she has fun, learns from her mistakes, and ALWAYS ALWAYS feels that she can tell me anything.. That is my biggest fear, that she will stop... and that I won't know her anymore.. She's growing up sooo fast. Anyway... Happy Monday :)
Hhhmmm that got a little off topic! LOL Back to Dano.. so she decided last night, she wants to stay home and hang out with the kids today. I'm all for that, but her dad doesn't think she's old enough to be home alone. Well, technically it's not home alone.. it's hanging out with friends in the neighborhood... and their Moms are home. (I'm jealous... I want to be home too!) As y'all know, Dano tells me everything... So last night she tells me, Mom, the girls want to try to sneak into the movies tomorrow. Ok, have fun. I don't have a problem with her doing that, but explained what happens when they get caught, and that it won't turn out well, and that she should try to talk to the girls today before attempting this, to try to sway them. I don't know if it'll work but she said she'd call me. What I wouldn't give to be her age again, and have close friends... (I didn't have any, long boring story... )
I hope she has fun, learns from her mistakes, and ALWAYS ALWAYS feels that she can tell me anything.. That is my biggest fear, that she will stop... and that I won't know her anymore.. She's growing up sooo fast. Anyway... Happy Monday :)
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