Holidaze..

I hope this finds everyone in good spirits...  And I hope that Santa was good to all of you as well.  Christmas was happy for me this year.. Moreso than normal.  I got to have the kid ALL DAY on Christmas, AND part of the next.  That was a first, in like almost 9 years.  I was very happy.  Seems her "dad" is starting to let HER decide what she wants.  I thank the good Lord everyday for that one.  

Anyway, things are going GREAT lately, I'm happy.. (bout time).. let's keep it that way for a while. LOL  Oh!  Good news.. I can walk/hobble/stumble again!  I am now getting around with no crutches, and am wearing normal shoes!  Well, uggs for now, just because they are easy.  I seem to be doing pretty good..  The kid said "Mom, no offense, but you walk like "House" now.. "  HAHAHAHA  Thought that was hilarious.  I love House.  

So, I'm taking the kid camping/riding this weekend.  Going with some old friends (known all my life) to a new place and we are SOOO excited.  Just seeing the kid about pee her pants over new riding gear and the sheer excitement / giddiness just makes me even more excited.  :D  The little joys in life that our kids give us.  I am really blessed and greatful.  So, on that note.. I hope you all have a HAPPY and very safe NEW YEARS..  We are leaving today and we'll be back sunday night...  Enjoy and may the coming year, be everything you ever wanted.  

Happy New Years!

Merry Christmas..

So something I noticed this year, vs previous years.. I am so much more Emotional!!  I have no idea why.  No... nothing like that.. it's just things seem so different now, and I'm not sure why.  I am NOT happy with the kids dad.  He upset me to no end on saturday.  I have written off a few friends in the last couple months.  I don't want or need all the drama in my life anymore.  So.. certain people are no longer a part of my inner circle.  That said, I was misled by the kids dad, and therefore LIVID at how people can be the way they are.  I tried to change Christmas/eve plans, but I can't bring myself to stick to it.  I feel bad.  I want the kid to be happy.  Yet, it makes me cry like every damned day.  I hate it. The kid says she would rather be with me, but I can't please EVERYONE.  I don't know, maybe I'm just being over sensitive.  But I WANT MY KID.  

I do get to have her this year for New Years.. so for that I am BEYOND grateful, excited and all that.  So she gets to go camping with me for almost 6 days.. SHE is just as excited.  That does help to make up for my shitty emotions, but... I don't know.  I'm sad.  

Anyhow, MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone.. I hope it is all that and more.. 

Holidays..

My goodness things have been rather hectic lately!  Christmas shopping, wrapping, decorating.. talk about annoying.. haha. I finished up most of my shopping this weekend.. THAT is a HUGE thing for me... I'm usually still shopping last minute, literally at the store on Christmas eve.  I did good this year.  I bought about 85% of my things on line.  THAT was great.  I did brave the crowds and tried going to Kohl's friday after work.  WHAT a joke.  I was still on crutches at the time, and there was waaaay too many people for my taste.  There were also a bunch of hoodlums running around the store, screaming etc.. you get the picture.  Anyway, no one would move if I tried to get thru, so I just turned around and went home.  Saturday I tried again.  Did Kohl's online.. yay.  I went to Nordstroms Rack to get the kid some shirts as per her request for Christmas.  That wasn't too bad.  Found myself a top too.  (Hey, i don't get anything to unwrap for Christmas, so I bought myself some things ;)  ) 

Anyway, after that I went to Tilly's.  Kid needed shoes.  Did that and found a plethora of things for ME!  Yay.. Made the trip out worth while.  So finished that..  Now just waiting until the deliveries come in.  And, had to get myself something from Santa.  Last year, the Kid was rather upset she got things from Santa, and I didn't.  Told her I must have been bad... (Little did she know) haha

So this year, I got myself a new iPhone.. The new 3G one.  I have had the original one for about a year, so it was time to treat myself.  So after I modify it to my liking I'll wrap it and put it under the tree for me..  hehehehehe

Merry Christmas (a little early)

Christmas Song..

I have noticed a lot of people looking up the lyrics or even the song for the 12 days of christmas.. well, a specific version LOL.  OK, First, I want to thank JEFF POPE from KGGI radio for directing me to "ERNIE'S 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS" last year (I have some of the lyrics in a post from last year here "On the first day of Christmas my vieja gave to me, a shiny 64 chevy" LOL)... They actually have the MP3 on their website.  I don't know if I can directly link to it, but if you go to KGGI's website, then click on Music and then Parodies, you will find the song down at the bottom of the list and you can download it.  I was ECSTATIC when I finally got this. I love this song.. LOL  Anyway, hope that helps!!

Annoyed..

Lately, I'm Annoyed.  FRIENDS aren't really what I thought they are.  Anyway, details don't matter, but if you are supposedly someone's "FRIEND", then be one. Don't be a backstabber, or just use people for your own purposes.  FRIENDS are a two way street.  Not people that are there that you only want around when you need something.  Friends are supposed to have each others back, not talk behind it.  At the rate things are going, I don't think I really WANT friends.  Either that, or I'm just not going to be the person everyone can count on for whatever reason, and is always there willing to help.  Don't know yet..  But lately, I'm annoyed.

Thanksgiving..

Well, I am heading out today for the long holiday...  Going to spend some time in the dirt... Ya, I know nothing new.. LOL  Anyway, just wanted to wish everyone a Happy and Safe Thanksgiving.. Among the many things I am thankful for, I am thankful that the quad accident wasn't any worse than it was, and that I am still alive to BE thankful... We have so much to be thankful for. 

PROGRESS..

OK, so this past weekend, I went to get up from the couch, had a MAJOR brainfart, and forgot to grab my crutches..  and proceeded to try to walk..  caught myself, (whew) before anything happened.  Thank Goodness..  

Well, that got me thinking.. so last night, I thought to myself "Self, let's try this again..."  So I did.  But I still had my crutches, and tried to use them as little as possible.  I could actually take a couple steps on the ball of my foot (tip toe ish)  I could do it!!!  Ya'll have NO idea what an awesome feeling that was!  I mean, I know I'm not supposed to walk, and again, kinda hoping for the whole "House" thing but hey..  (I'm sure most people would say my attitude is rather similar, shall we say haha)  It's really difficult to be optimistic in such situation when it doesn't seem there is any light at the end of the tunnel.  But man, that made such a beautiful light that I can now see.

Anyway... just wanted to share because it was huge to me.  Oh, and I went to the chiropractor yesterday.. hurt pretty bad.  like so much so, made me scream in pain and cry.  MUCH more than the first time he tried to adjust.  So it turns out, everything else is doing great.. Hips are back in alignment, my neck is great, but that damed area where the rib was dislocated is just shitty.  So they are doing a deep ultrasound on the muscles/tissue next to that area, to try to break it down and get blood flow to it, to see if that will help.  IT BETTER..  I'm not kidding when I say I'd rather go thru giving birth AND all the bullshit I went thru after that than deal with this... it sucks.  

Anyway, progress.. it's a GREAT THING..  :D

This is one of my ALL TIME favorite quotes, and it can be applied to almost anyone at any time.  I'm gonna have a good ending...  I just know it.  XOXO to all 

Peace

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today to make a new ending..  

Fall..

So, it's now Fall.  Really wouldn't know it in So Cal.  We've had temperatures still in the 90's going on, and then at night dropping to like 45/50.  Typical.  Anyway, I guess I'm starting to enjoy fall.. STARTS to cool off, fire pits n sweatshirts & being cozy..  kinda nice for a change..  Wore jeans today for the first time in months..  Still have the one flip flop going on tho. ;)  

So I get my cast off on Dec 4th.  Kinda curious what happens after that.  It will be 7 weeks since the crash, I wonder if I will start walking with a cane like "House".. :D  HAHA  Made myself crack up a little there.  That might work for a while, so I don't put all my weight back on my leg again.  Ah well, who knows.  I am very much looking forward to walking again.  Amazing the things we take for granted on a daily basis.  Besides walking, the ability to see, or hear even.  Anyway, before this gets all sentimental, listen to all the sounds and see all of the good things in life.. appreciate what you have.  Later.

 

Weekend from Hell..

This has been like one of THE WORST weekends.  Friday I went to the Chiropractor to start getting my back better.  Turns out (long story short) since the accident on Oct 18th, I've been walking around with a dislocated Rib.  No wonder I've been in so much pain.  Dr couldn't believe I waited as long as I did (besides fighting with insurance who maintains it's not medically necessary to see a chiro)...  Anyway.  So on to the rest.  

Saturday morning about 930am a fire broke out by the 91/71 fwys.  I was going into to Orange County to visit my girlfriend and her kids, then my sister.  I figured that it was "just another fire", and no big deal.  

So I go out there, hang out for a bit and at about 2 (after taking numerous pictures) decided I better head out to find out how to get home.  I get on the 57 northbound, and right about Imperial Hwy, I see cars turning around, and going UP THE ONRAMP.  Wrong way guys.. Idiots.  (The freeway was closed at Lambert).  

Then people were getting out of their cars and walking away.  Anyway, I get off at Lambert and think, ok, maybe the canyon is open.  So I head that way.  That was where the Brea Cyn fire started.  I have a video of all of the flames that I encountered on the way to the Canyon.  I get to the cyn and they turned me around and said No.  It's closed, it's ALL on fire.  Great.  So I make A GIANT circle and pretty much back where I started at it's been almost 1 1/2 hours now.  I decided to go up to Harbor and hit Pathfinder.  NIGHTMARE.  It took me over 4 hours to get home where it is usually 20 minutes.  So I got home and some friends came over and we could see over the hills where the amber color was from the fires.  It looked pretty cool  (Yes, stupid comment, but it did)  Anyway.  Went inside about 1030 and things were still ok.  Woke up because it started to stink (fire) pretty bad at about 3am.  Went outside, and the entire hills were on fire.  

They evacuated the street behind me.  My neighbors were all out and we all just watched the fire for a while.  I got stuff ready to evacuate, but thank the Lord, I didn't have to.  Talk about scary.  That was soo close and I've never had to evacuate, or gotten this close to it.  I haven't had a whole lot of sleep, so I'm rather tired, and I'm at work today but school is closed (thank goodness) because of air quality.  There's a bunch more but that's the jist of it, and I'm glad it's pretty much over.  And I'm safe.  And Blessed.  :D

Good News..

So Went to the dr yesterday for another xray.  Seems that falling the other day at work "reset" the breaks in my leg, and they are aligned VERY well now..  Imagine that.  Weird.  LOL.  So, since all that, I decided that I need one of those casts that are hard.. like when you break your arm.  No more of that stupid soft cast that seemed to be more dangerous to me.  So, with this new hard cast, I am able to sleep better, and more comfortably since it's not so bulky.  Oh, and I made sure it was black.  Tried to get it like Black and Gold for my Steelers, but no gold.  So it's just black, kinda glad, now no one can write on it.  HAHA.  So 3 weeks, and then it comes off, get an xray and see if I can start walking on it.  I'm pretty stoked today.  Progress.  The blood clots are just about gone I guess, because I can't feel that "pain" anymore.  Yay.  Blood thinners still suck tho.  And, today I am going to the Chiropractor. I think my back is sooo jacked up it's gonna take years to fix, but hopefully with an adjustment today, I may be heading on the road to less pain.  I hope.  It's killing me.  Wish me luck.  Oh, and have a great weekend!!

Still looking..

Hey all.. I am still looking for this background.. I still can't find it. this is just a screenshot..  If anyone has it or can point me in the right direction.. lemme know.. Please.. Thanks.

The Kid..

Hope everyone had a great weekend.. I'm kind of tired.  Well, maybe not so much tired as frustrated.  Maybe both. Frustrated as all hell, because I still can't walk.  I mean that alone... Is killing me.  I am pretty independent and much prefer to do things myself.  Not having to ask someone for help or to do something for me.  And now, I find myself doing just that.  It sucks.

I was finding myself trying to still doing things on my own for a bit, which I am still able to do.. you know, like go pee by myself, that kind of thing.  I can shower by myself now, that took a bit to get used to.. but I can do it.  I can even give my puppies a bath in the shower on my own!  Anyway, So this whole thing has been quite an adjustment.  There are things still, If I don't do them, they won't get done.  So that puts me between a rock and a hard place.  I mean, I am supposed to STAY OFF my leg.  Period.  (Oh, and I don't have to have surgery as of yet.. Dr said the slip is very slight, and to stay off it and wait another week (this thursday) to check xrays again.. )  So, trying to stay off my leg, while cleaning the bathroom, and vaccuuming, and doing a bunch of laundry oh, and changing the sheets on our beds.  I'll tell ya, the kid has been such a ROCK for me.  She's done soo much to help me and with minimal complaining.  "Why do I have to be such a slave mom?!?!"   haha.  She kicked her shin on the table and started hollering about it, so I looked at her and said "Hhhmm  my leg is broken.  Do you see me acting like that?"   She said "No, but you're bigger and you can handle it.  I'm just a kid and IT HURTS!".. LOL I feel really bad for her today.  She's been doing so much and being such a help, so last evening, she was holding Max (her guinea pig) and brought him to me and said "Mom, why is max so tired?"  I held him for a minute and anyone that has a guinea pig knows they dart around everywhere, and RARELY sit still..  Well, Max just laid in my hand and was "sleepy".  So, I had the not so pleasureable experience of telling the kid last night that Max wasn't going to make it.  She had just been to Petco yesterday and saw rats and stuff on those running wheels.. so she said "Mom, Max is going to the Big wheel in the sky huh?"  Talk about heart breaking.  So we sat with him and pet him for a bout an hour to make him comfortable.  We had to run to a friends to pick up the fire pit (chilly last night!) and so we did that.  I think Max waited til the kid left for a few minutes, and then died while she was gone.  Thought that was pretty cool of him.  Burial services and ceremony will be held this evening at the house.  

See you up in the "big wheel" in the sky someday Max.  Rock on dude. 

It got worse..

Well, I have been doing everything I was told by my dr's to do.  I mean, I'm not out running (LOL) marathons, or doing stupid shit...  I lay on the couch with my leg elevated above my heart, and still I get blood clots.. 4 actually.  I'm sure I asked already, but ANY idea how much those HURT?  HOLY crap, I wasn't kidding when I said I'd rather give birth again.  (Ya, not gonna happen, but still).  So I go in weekly for an x-ray to see how the progress of healing is going. Apparently, as of yesterday, it's not.  Like at all.  As a matter of fact, the bones "Slipped".  So, how does THAT happen when you are laying down on a couch with a pit bull as a blanket?  I mean, really..  I 'm not putting pressure, or weight or ANYTHING on this stupid leg!  So... after talking to the Dr yesterday, "it just happens".  And the blood clots, might have contributed to it as well.  Regardless, I'm pissed now.  I *thought* I was doing everything right to AVOID surgery, guess not.  Here's the kicker.  I'm on blood thinners.  And going in for surgery.   Hhhmm ya, sounds pretty shitty if you ask me.  Yes, there is the possibility that I could "bleed out" I believe are the words he used.  So, now gotta figure out the least intrusive way to do this so that I can have surgery next friday, lay around and rest during the weekend, and then back to work on Monday.  Oh. Goodie.  Can't wait.   So... what next?  Anyone??? 

What else.. ?

So Halloween was a bust.. I couldn't walk to take the kid trick or treating, and that really bummed me out.. Saturday was ok, I pretty much laid around all day trying to keep my leg up.. Sunday.  Now there's a great day. I cried ALL day long.  My leg was hurting throbbing all the way from the back of my calf up then, behind my knee, up the back of my thigh and up my inner thigh.  Took some of the pain pills, nothing.  Took the muscle relaxer, figuring that might help nothing.  Kept crying.  Ok, finally got to a point at about 5 or so, I called the on call orthopedic doctor.  Kinda glad I did.  He said to go in because it sounded like there might be a blockage in my veins.  So I took myself to the ER sunday.  Turns out, dealing with all that pain all day long and the previous night, I have a rather large blood clot, and quite a few others.. If anyone has had blood clots before (which I have not), OH MI GOSH, this pain is unbelievable.  I guess, the blood isn't flowing back up my leg, which makes it feel like its major cramping and hurts to touch.  My skin is warm there too.  I just hate the fact that it just creeps up on me, and I start crying like right in the middle of a sentence (no joke, like right now).  THIS SHIT SUCKS.  I don't know how much more I can physically take.  Shit I would MUCH prefer to give birth than go thru this..  I am trying to see if I can work from home the rest of the week, because I just can't elevate my leg without it hitting my calf which is in a rather large amount of pain.

I think sunday was the first time I was ever in the ER when I could honestly say that the amount of pain I was in was a 10.  It fukn HURTS.  

So after finding the blood clots, they put me on Coumadin for the next THREE MONTHS.  Great.  But, before the coumadin kicks in I have to give myself a shot of  100mg of Lovenox every night which helps to treat and prevent blood clots.  They gave me some Ativan too because I'll tell ya, with a broken leg AND blood clots, makes it rather almost impossible to get comfortable to sleep, so I just lay and cry.  I took one of those last night before bed.  DURING THE STEELER game mind you.  Yes, I did fall asleep rather quickly, (which is new, and kinda nice), BUT, I woke up at 2am crying.  So, had to get up to get pain pills again..  I can't WAIT until this blood thinner crap starts to work, standing hurts, especially first thing in the morning.. that's a good 10 minute cry until my leg is used to being on the ground again.. I want to get back in bed now.  What really sucks, is getting so frustrated at the pain, and annoyance of all this bullshit, that now and again I chuck the crutches across the room and whatever, and then sit there cuz I can't reach them, and then cry some more.  For someone who don't cry too much.. I've done enough of it in the last two weeks to last me the rest of my life.

Happy Halloween..

Well, in light of recent events, I suppose I am going to dress up this year as "Crash Test Dummy"  Fits doesn't it?  

Happy Halloween... Be Safe

Massage..

Ok, so I tried to get a massage yesterday in hopes that it would relieve my back.  Nope.  Felt nice at the time.. but OH MY GOSH I can't believe how much pain I am in.  It seems to be getting worse and worse as each day progresses.  I am having a hard time sitting at my desk, I don't know what to do.  I thought about going to a chiropractor to adjust my spinal cord, as I believe that is obviously what is causing this. I can't imagine what else it could be.  

I'll tell ya.. crying at work every day is getting really old.  

No Idea..

So I had no clue how much pain this would cause.. my back hurts the WORST.  it aches and aches.. Mornings are the hardest time of the day.. My leg has been elevated for the most part, all night, and then trying to stand, and all the blood rushing down, holy hell shit it hurts.  And crutches.. don't get me started.  I BLOODY HATE THEM.. They are causing rashes on my sides, and my arms.. my hands are bruised from the hand grip thingys..  SUCKS big time.  It's been over a week now, and I am soooo tired of being in pain all the time.. I wish I could get my Back to stop hurting!!  I could at least function better.. 

So saturday, I was relaxing most of the day.. kept my leg elevated so that it kept the swelling down.  Well I went out back to pick up dog poop, and pretty much fell and ate shit.  I remembered to put the good leg down to break my fall, however, that ripped off the scab that I had there.  Like just ripped it right off.  Blood running down my leg.. Sucked.  So I said to myself "Self, we gotta clean this up and get the grass out of it"...  well, apparently now the nerve endings are exposed, and HURT LIKE HELL.  So I decided to put peroxide on it.  Shit, might as well have just poured a shitload of salt on it.  Prolly would have hurt less..  so I'm sitting there hollerin pretty loud and my lovely dog is next to me and starts howling.. LOL  Pretty funny actually.  So then I think, Ok, that hurt, lemme just pour some water on it..  Crap!  That hurt too!  Well, I got it cleaned up, and put some gauze on it.  Stupid.  That shit sticks to exposed skin like another skin.  Try getting THAT off.. I can't seem to do anything right..  Now, I have to sleep with no shirt on, because they all stick to my shoulder, then I forget in the morning, and take a shirt off, and rip off half my shoulder in the process. So, I'm done sleeping in a shirt for a while.   The other day, I don't know what I did, but I woke up in the morning, and when I sat up, I heard a "pop".  Didn't know what it was, but damn it hurts... and now it hurts in the FRONT like by my collar bone..  Someone just shoot me now.

Anyway... that's how it's going for me.  Shitty.  Hope life is better for all of you right now.. :(

Rough..

So, it was bound to happen eventually, I crashed my quad. The last couple times haven't been too bad.. some scratched up plastics... a bit of road rash..  not too bad.  This time was a little different.  So we were all going across the lakebed about 40mph.  I've done this a million times.  I *thought* we were already passed the bomb craters so I was haulin ass.  There was a fair amount of dust blowin around from all the bikes, and once that cleared up I was right on top of  a huge crater.  I kinda knew already that I was done.  There was another one right behind it, so there was no saving myself.  I just hung on and hoped for the best.  I recall hitting the crater, and trying to correct the wheels to land, and that's about it.  My girlfriend was behind me in the Rhino, and saw the whole thing.  She said that I held on for two flips, and then the bike threw me about 20 feet.  It certainly *FEELS* like it. (Thank God the kid was back at camp riding in the kids buggy with the boys and didn't see it)  I don't recall who was around me, as I was disoriented.  I remember trying to get up, but I was in a lot of pain and fell back down.  I recall my friend helping me to my feet and trying to get me to the Rhino.  I stood on my left leg, and then started to walk.  My right leg just rolled inside my boot and felt like mush.  I about took her 110lb ass down with me.  I didn't recognize where we were, and I got a bit scared.. I don't like that feeling AT ALL.  Anyhow, the ambulance took me to the ER in Joshua Tree (NEVER go to hi desert medical center).  It sucked ass.  They took xrays of my back and my ankle that I figured was broken.  Turns out, my back is good, however, every single muscle back there tightened up to prepare for the fall and has since stayed in that position.. HURTS LIKE HELL.  My ankle was ok.. not broken.. Thank Goodness.  Oh but wait, your Tibia and Fibula are both broken in half.  So much for hoping it was dislocated. So they picked me up, and we went back to camp..  I got a nice shower, and went to bed.  Funny thing is, I have two bones that are in HALF in my leg, and it doesn't hurt near as bad as my back...  O well..  Because the breaks are so nice (nice?? that's what my orthopedic said), I don't have to have surgery so long as I stay off my right leg for 6 weeks.  Try driving with a right broken leg.. HAHA  Gas with right toes, break with left foot.. kinda fun! CRUTCHES SUCK!!  Anyone know what I should do to stop getting a rash on my sides??  Anyway, I should be able to walk by December 1st, and with a couple weeks of rehab, back on my bike for New Years...  Oh, after I fix one of the broken arm thingys that goes to the wheel, the skid plate, and my clutch.  My ice chest rack is all tweaked, but I'm leaving that alone.. It's "custom" now.. :)  Need a reminder.. 

Well, I hope everyone had a great weekend!!  :)  

Changes..

I have been doing a lot of thinking these past couple months... well, more like weeks about the ability to change yourself in an attempt to "help" others change.  Sound weird?  Ya, I know.  Here's the deal:  You can't change how someone treats you.  You really can't change anything about someone else.  What you CAN do, is change who YOU are as a person, and that itself, in return allows others to treat you differently/better etc...  

Lemme give you an example.  Say there is someone in your life who is constantly making digs at you or just cuts you down all the time.  There is a multitude of ways to handle this.  One, you can do as I have in the past and return all of the snide remarks and digs with even more of my own to further escalate the bullshit.  Which, in my personal opinion, after much experience with it, SUCKS ass.  However, I believe I have "seen the light" if you will, about how to handle people in my life.  I have made personal changes within myself to assist others in how to treat me.  First, I can see that it has helped a lot, BUT it has helped me (directly) as well.  I am slowly learning to control my OWN temper and not have such a short fuse.  This is very good for me.  I am also learning to hold my tongue.  THAT is huge..  apparently, not everyone wants to know my opinion... and what I feel I need to say doesn't always matter.

So, I've noticed in people around me, that since I am trying to change me... that in turn is slowly changing them as well, and how they treat me.   It's not fun to make digs at someone and not get anything back from them..  that gets old and boring, and thus they stop.  I know, rather elementary school-ish, but hey.. it's working and I'm happy.  

"Live the life you love.... "

Good Times..

So I took my kid camping and dirt biking this weekend...  Thought it was going to be a beautiful weekend.. Anyway, so she has her quad and LOVES it..  Kicks ass on it.  Well, all of the kids out there were boys on dirt bikes.  She couldn't keep up on her quad, so she was getting kinda pissed off.  So my buddy's neighbor (Unbelievable patience!) said he would teach her to ride a dirt bike.  Wow.  My kid did GREAT!  I was really impressed.  She didn't fall, and she even started to learn how to shift!  I took some pictures of her and can't wait to see how they turned out.  She was awesome this weekend.  So I putzed around with all the kids..  The adults all took off to ride, and I hung with the kiddie bunch, and had a ball.. Did some serious off roading, and made new trails.  Took a couple out in the rhino and that was fun..  Didn't scare them too bad. ;) Took my godson (2) on the kids quad, and he had so much fun... Kept telling me "Go Auntie, Go!"  THAT was a blast right there..  It was very cool to just hang with the kids..  I think we crashed out at like 730 saturday night.. LONG DAY.

 The kid kept trying to get the kids to trade with her.  It actually worked out because the boys hadn't ridden a quad before, so they had fun, and she got to practice riding a 2 wheeler.  So at one point on saturday, I had  all the kids out, and we were across from camp, well my kid didn't see the berm, and just ate shit.  Flew off the quad like a rag doll. Landed pretty hard too.  She got a nice bruise on her hip too.  But after a nice 2 hour nap (that kid was exhausted) she was ready to roll again.. 

The winds kicked up soooo bad, about 40MPH and never died down on saturday.. hard to have a campfire without setting the entire place ablaze.  Sunday was great..  Beautiful, no wind.. So I took the kids for a nice trek before going home..  All in all...  GOOD TIMES.. 

What's New..

Nothing really new on my end... there's so much bullshit going on in my life, and I have come to find in some of those aspects, that I am a coward.  Plain and simple.  I know what my downfalls/weaknesses are.  Ok, pretty sure.  But you know what, it kinda sucks when you KNOW that some of these can be greatly improved if you removed certain things out of your life..  But, it also sucks when you get so accustomed to something that this shit becomes part of you.  Change sucks. And it hurts.  But, that said..  I really want to start making some changes, and pick myself up by the bootstraps (do people wear those anymore?) dust my butt off and see what types of changes I can make.   I REALLY wish it would cool down so that I can start riding my mountain bike again.. lately it's just been unbearably hot and I am too tired by 11pm to go riding when it's actually cooler.  I mean, a couple nights ago, it was still like 90 and humid at 10pm!  No thanks.. My fat butt can wait another week or so to get to exercisin' again... 

Oh, I mentioned a while back that I found a bunch more poetry similar to when I started the blog.  I just need to throw some up here, but seems that I am only on the computer now when I'm at work.. (ssshhhh don't tell the boss)..  so I'll get to it pretty soon.. 

Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well..  

Til next time... 

Things are tough..

Things seem to be going pretty shitty for so many people right now.  An old friend of mine that I haven't kept in touch with (I suck as a friend) just let me know that he lost his studio, some surrounding homes, and the old shop burned down.  Lost everything.  I think of the stupid bullshit I am going thru now with uncle sam, and that just has no comparison to what my friend is going thru right now..  Fire.  Lost everything. How do you get that back?  Pictures, poetry, drawings, things from your head/heart at that moment in time that you could look at whenever you want to... is gone.  Losing a part of your life... like an appendage so to speak.  I feel so terribly about what happened, and how he must be feeling right now.  I hear that he is pretty happy with his life besides this huge loss, and for that I am very grateful..  I am happy that he is happy.. Altho, a part of me is pretty sad.. For more than just that.  

I wish there was something I could do to help, but I'm not sure there is.. 

Anyway, if there is... let me know..

Getting away..

So this week, I've worked already 36 hours and it's only wednesday...  I am gonna take friday off, and leave for the weekend..  I believe I am going to head out thursday night, get a hotel room, and hang out in Lake Havasu, hit up the nekkid turtle for some beers and wait for some friends to show up friday...   Busy week, and very STRESSFUL week, so it will be nice just to hang with me, and some adults for the weekend..  This will be the last havasu trip I *Think* for the season... maybe one more Mojave run, but not sure..  NEXT weekend however, I am taking the kid out to the dry lake bed to go dirt bike riding.  Well, quading I guess haha.  Some friends have kids and smaller dirtbikes, so I am going to teach the kid how to ride a TWO wheeler dirtbike.  She can ride a bicycle just fine... but this will be waay cool.  I can't wait..  Riding season is upon us, and we are blessed with so much.. dirt.  Thank you God. :)

Hope ya'll have a great weekend!  I will be floating down the river with beers and not thinking about shit for a few days...  

Cheers!

Scared Shitless..

So.. today just might have been the most frightening day of my entire existence.  Just to make a long story short (as per custody agreement, she was with her dad last night), the Kid never showed up at school today..  Couldn't get a hold of ANYONE to find out what was up.  So in my head, there had to have been some accident, she's ... anyway.. you get the idea.  So I leave work, go driving around and finally find her with her dad.  All fear aside at this point, now I have moved on to "SHEER RAGE".  The kid and her dad apparently had too much fun at the fair last night, and decided to "sleep in".  

OK, WRONG!  You don't ignore your phone or her MOTHER and fail to mention her where abouts since she is not at SCHOOL where she should be!!  UGH!  

Maybe I was out of line being that worried, but no one could get ahold of her dad or anything.  I think the "excuse" is what pissed me off to no end.  

So, now.. I'm just LIVID. I'm sure that will last a while.  

People Suck.

Tired of it all..

As I mentioned before, I don't understand how people can be so cruel and vindictive.  Not only does it hurt the person (ok, me) right then and there, but it continues to conjure up thoughts, and emotions, that weren't there before.  It is literally making me crazy.  I am now so full of self doubt and doubting others around me.  I can't look at my "friends" the same now.  I really don't think I am a bad person.  Sometimes a bad friend, but aren't we all at some point?  But for someone to say things to make me start to feel that I am in fact stupid, and much more naive than anyone I have ever met, it's just mean.  I keep having these conversations in my own head to try to make the negative shit go away.  Any idea how hard that is?  

I get to a point where all the negative thoughts start manifesting into this huge storm of emotions, and I feel I can't stop them.  Then comes the anxiety.  Why do I allow this to happen?  No one MADE me have these feelings/emotions.  I allowed for these shitty ass words to creep into my head and more importantly my heart, and I feel like I am being slowly ruined. 

Dramatic, ya I know, but it gets overwhelming. 

I'm Tired.

Difficulties..

So I have been having some difficulties lately.. Things that are going on in my life, and really NOT appealing to me right now. Nor are certain PEOPLE. I can't believe people are so miserable in their lives, and so cruel as to say whatever they find necessary to bring others down. Others that they "supposedly" care about. I mean, HURTFUL things. WHY on earth would someone intentionally want to hurt someone?! I don't get it. I really don't, and it's very disheartening. I get the whole Misery loves company.. but shit.. go find it somewheres else. Leave me the hell alone!!! I don't want to be a part of ANY of that kind of life. I am really, desperately actually, trying to be happy for a change!! 

I came across something today, that just made sense to me. I printed it out and put it on my wall : "Laugh when you can, apologize when you should. Let go of what you can't change. Kiss slowly, play hard and forgive quickly. Take chances, give Everything and have no regrets." : No regrets. I have a few. Probably a few more than I really need, but I have them nonetheless. I have a hard time with the apologize when you should. I do try to do that all the time. I find that no one else around me has really adopted that. Oh, and the forgive quickly. HAHAHA wow. I have tried over and over and over and over (you get the idea) and holy shit if that isn't one of my biggest obstacles in life. Wow. Forgive. I can't forgive and forget. They go hand in hand. I believe you can't do one successfully without the other. So, forgive means that I should drop it and forget it. I have a memory of an elephant. I remember obscure things. It sucks sometimes. So, that lends more difficulties to me to try to forget. Doesn't happen. Damn it. 

Let's get to disappointment. I HATE to disappoint people. But I hate even more being disappointed. I guess I'm on the low part of the roller coaster that is my life. Having fun and partying with friends, gets kinda old pretty quick. My kid is the most important thing in my life. With the issues I have ongoing with the IRS (don't ask), and bullshit asshole people who I once trusted, I made a LOT of changes recently. I don't even know if I can trust my OWN heart anymore. That's pretty low. Times are very difficult, but I'm getting better with it. Sometimes you really do have to push people away in order to deal with the bullshit. I know things turn around, and get better.. someday. When is the hell does "someday" get here!?

Back to life..

So yesterday was the first day of school..  THIRD GRADE!!  I can't believe it.  The kid is 8 1/2 and is taller than my armpit now..  I'm a little scared. ;)  She'll be 10 yrs old and as tall as me.  THAT is just wrong. haha.   She has a male teacher this year, so I am hoping that he will be a different influence on her.  She kinda sucked pretty bad last year at not paying attention, gossiping etc..  I am hoping this one is different.  Apparently he told the class that he is 110 years old and lives in a cardboard box under the freeway.  She said she likes him and that he's funny.  Hope that works. ;)

So I was able to take the kid to the river this past weekend.  We got to hang out on the boat all day saturday and sunday.  We got to go tubing, and that was a blast.  I was afraid she'd be freaked out etc, but she just kept wanting to go faster!  She and her friend were on it, with Jenn... I guess they were on so long, Jenn decided they were done, grabbed the kids by their life jackets and they all flew off.  Hilarious.   There was a monsoon saturday night, which we expected.  THAT was great.  100 degrees, flash floods, so much lightning, and the thunder was so loud, I can't even describe it.  But just to stand in the middle of it all, and soak it in, was awesome.

Sunday was spent sliding down a sandhill with boogie boards.  Interesting.  Especially when the adults did it.  Then there were the sand wrestling matches.  I STILL have sand in my ears! LOL

All in all, it was a great time, and the kid was soo happy.  

I apparently have an issue at my house with lizards.  They don't bother me, as a matter of fact I have tried to help the kid catch them.  Well, yesterday, I was trying to hop over one as I didn't want to step on it/kill it (it was a smaller baby) and stubbed my toe pretty bad.  Actually, I think I broke it.  :(  It's turning black/blue, not like your normal 'bruise' tho.  Very swollen, and painful.  I think I can feel where the bone cracked.  Oh well, 7 more toes to break. ;)

Anyway, the lizard thing.  So I was taking a shower this morning, and what SERIOUSLY looked like the same damn lizard was on top of the shower curtain, like WATCHING ME!  Startled me for a second, but, I finished up careful not to get him to jump too fast, make me scream etc.. HAHA  Got out of the shower, dried off, grabbed the little sucker and tossed him out front with the other 34,000 other lizards I seem to be breeding out there.  I mean really, I have never seen so many lizards before!  

Anyway, that's about it.. kinda boring, but still fun..

Take care ya'll..

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."

P.S.  If anyone knows WHERE to get this background, please let me know...  My harddrive crashed and I have searched almost the ENTIRE internet.. can't find it.. found a similar one, but it's just 'not it'.   Thanks.. 

Another Day..

Well, for once I can say I am doing ok.  The kid starts back to school on Tuesday.  3rd grade.  Sooo excited.  She's been having a great summer, hanging out with grandparents, cousins, swimming a LOT.. She is soo tan right now.. with nice blond natural highlights in her hair.  Since we've moved, she's made a lot of new friends and is always outside playing now. Much better than the old place.. she never went outside there,  I didn't feel safe.   Here I do.  Mom has made lots of friends too!  HAHA  We have made friends with many of the neighbors and often trade portions of dinner..  Kinda cool really, don't have to cook every day.   And then there's my friend across the street who hangs out with me in the evenings and has some beers..  She's a lot like me..  Good times. 

We've been having a lot of bbq's, and some not so fun times, with drunk family members, and fights, and lovely introductions to the police force. HAHA  No arrests tho.  Whew!  We've had a nice summer, and now it's time to get back to school.   I like the fact that I am off at 3 so that I can go get the kid from school and we have the afternoon to just hang out, do homework etc.. I'm glad it's still going to be light later in the evenings for a while longer, because it's been pretty toasty and warm so we are outside a lot.  

With the close of summer, it's nice to be able to start anticipating trips to the desert.  The kid is VERY excited to do that..  She loves her quad.   Trying to get to the river this weekend for the holiday so she has one more fun trip before school starts but it's proving to be a trying experience, and rather difficult.  Might have to stay home (save money) and go to the street faire and listen to some music and eat some of the BEST food like ever.   If ya'll are in town, you really should go check it out!  http://orangestreetfair.org/index.php

Anyway, that's all for now, just the everyday goings on in my life... woo hoo.

Take it easy..  Later

iPhone Pt 2..

Well, I went ahead and upgraded...   I even went so far as upgrading to 2.0.1  So far so good... I don't see any issues with it.. except one thing that bugs the shit outta me..   When I get a text, and I hit reply to get the sms thingy to open, takes FOREVER...  Annoying!!!

Other than that, pretty cool...  I did see the Hold em game and that is actually WHY I upgraded.. THAT was soooo cool.. .Love it!!

Anyway...  Still debating on getting the NEW 3G iPhone, but still can't bring myself to do so..  I mean, the only thing I don't have that the new ones do is the GPS and something else that I have already been living without, so...  I'm sure in another release, 1st gen phones may get it some day..   Until then...   Hope everyone is doing well. 

I need a vacation.

Peace!

A couple things..

I have a couple things I want to talk about but I have a question..  if ANYONE out there reading this has a 1st Gen iPhone have you updated to the 2.0 release yet???  If so, are you happy with it?  Anyone?  Bueller? 

Groovin' & Shakin'..

So, I'm sure everyone knows by now, we had a pretty big jolt today... A nice 5.4 earthquake.  I was at work, and I thought a semi truck slammed into the office.  Most of the office pretty much hauled ass to get out of the building while it was rolling...  I have been thru the Northridge quake, and the whittier narrows quake in 87, and multiple more smaller quakes, all of my life.  I can honestly say, they really don't bother me much.  My chair at my desk started rolling around, and my monitor fell over as well.  I just kinda sat there and held on to the desk just waiting it out.  

I did get up just before it was over to talk to another worker in the office (she and I were the only ones who didn't "run" out).   Then, evacuated the building to make sure everything was safe to come in.  Kinda messy.  Ceiling tiles fell, many monitors fell too.  I think some things in the plant weren't right because most of the plant workers left for the day shortly after.  The phone lines in the building were down for a bit, and EVERYONES cell phones wouldn't work.  I know most was due to literally millions of people trying to call each other, but also, AT&T/Cingular did have issues due to the quake.  That made it really difficult for me, as I couldn't get a hold of the kid.  I was more stressed about talking to her than of the quake itself!

Alas, I did find out she was ok and actually helped out at daycare with the younger kids to keep them calm..  She is such a cool kid.  Love Her!

Oh, and I heard that a friend of mine was giving birth right about the same time.  Can you imagine?!?! 

Anyway, so that's about it for the earthquake.  I am actually in the epicenter of it.  Literally.  So it really was kinda cool.  :)  And, besides that event, nothing much happening lately..  Just enjoying the kid and chillin'. 

Peace..... 

Reminiscing..

So today I went back to read some of the first posts that I made... it's been a year.  WOW.  I have actually stuck with something for an entire year...  THAT kids, is a very nice accomplishment for me.  I procrastinate.. like sooo bad.  In just about every aspect of my life.  I admit, I am not the best at "finishing" ALL of the things I start either.  (ok, that sucked to admit that out loud.. ) So, the fact that I am still doing this for a whole year, gives me a little hope.  I do have ONE single, no wait TWO goals that I need to get moving on...  I have soo many ideas for one of them, but in order to get to work on that one, I need to accomplish a different goal first.   I've talked about it before, and yes, I am STILL procrastinating.. UGH, this is depressing.  Ok, so shit, I've GOT TO DO SOMETHING.  I need to get off my ass and do this shit already!!  I am so content with my life right now, I'm L~A~Z~Y.  I hate lazy.. 

If ANYONE has any suggestions (besides Tony Robins) on what I can do/think to get more MOTIVATED, I'm all ears... 

Oh, I found a bunch of books that I had packed away of poetry that I have written over the years.. like over the last 17 or so years..  Reading thru some of it, I laughed like loud at how juvenile and high school some of them sound...  It was rather comforting...  I'll probably post some of it up here in the next week or so.. 

Peace.

Keep moving..

Wow.  Things are starting to calm down some.  I just got back from going to the east coast for my grandfathers funeral.  I spent a LOT of time with my immediate family.  There are reasons we all don't get along together.  Too many, but I digress.  It felt like a very long trip.  We killed Bambi.  I know they do a LOT of hunting out there, but we did it with the rental car.  Hit a deer.  No idea where it came from, but it was the BIGGEST deer I have EVER seen.  

Like really knocked the crap out of it... it was all over the side of the car.  Really sucked.  Had to drive a pretty much wrecked rental car to the funeral.  

Anyway.. the funeral.  It was really nice... they had a military portion of it, and they played Taps... and shot guns etc...  it was cool.  Saw a LOT of family that I hadn't seen for about 9 years since my grandma passed away.  Been a long time.   

My computer crashed last week, and just today do I have any sort of semblance back to it.  I lost everything... All my pictures over the last year, everything.  :(  Kinda sad, but there are more important things to be upset about.  (Killed a deer!!)  So, it's a fresh start now.

The Kid has been gone on vacation and I have been out of town, so I am just beside myself with excitement... she comes back to me tonight.  

There is no one more important in the world to me right now that her.  She is my life.  My everything.

A daughter is the happy memories of the past, the joyful moments of the present, and the hope and promise of the future. ~Author Unknown

"Pop"..

Today is a sad day.  My "Pop" died last night..  I've mentioned before that life is too short... We all too often take for granted people in our lives.  I remember when my grandmother died... one of the (if not MOST) difficult times of my life.  Growing up, I was always with my grandparents.  They lived right behind my folks..  Every weekend we would go over to their house to eat breakfast.  Not just any breakfast..  I'm talkin "COUNTRY" breakfast.. Fried eggs, fried apples, biscuits, fried potatoes, the BEST gravy you could EVER imagine.  Oh, forgot jimmy dean sausage patties and tons of bacon..  This is what I had every weekend..  (damn no wonder I'm so LARGE!! HAHA)  Anyway, some other feasts they would make were things like chicken ortega, one of my favorites:  Chicken n Dumplins..  Homemade dumplins.. Wow.. that was soo good.  After breakfast, all us grandkids would go climb in their bed and watch Little Rascals..  Saturdays were good. :D

Pop also had his garden.  Tomatoes, cabbage, cucumbers..all kinds of stuff in there.  And they "canned" most of it.  Sour Kraut was big.. and Pickles.. I can remember the taste like yesterday..  

After my grandmother died, Pop stayed in the house for a while, but then decided to sell it.  Dunno who lives there now, but the house looks nice.   

He stayed with my aunt for a long time.. and we'd all visit..  my dad would go and hang out with him a couple nights a week.  Then he went to a "home" to live (too difficult for my aunt anymore) where there were other "older people"..   He had a great time making fun of them.. He was pretty ornery.  (ok, and could be a little mean).  

I got a call yesterday that he wasn't doing too hot. So they moved him to a nursing home. Dr's said he had about 48 hours to live... I guess Pop was in a hurry to leave because he fell into a coma shortly after and died a couple hours later. Ya, he was ready.

Here's where I am saddened.  I was always so busy with MY life to go spend more time with him.  Me and the Kid always had something going on, and didn't MAKE the time.  We did see him quite a bit, but my heart doesn't feel it was enough.  I did speak to him on the phone, but again, not enough.  

We aren't here forever.  That is a fact.  I need to start making the important things count.  Make TIME for what is important.  I hope one day Pop will forgive me.

"5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever. "  Excerpt from 23rd Psalm

Puppy..

Well, I got me a new dog.  Well a puppy really.  My dog needed a buddy.. like bad.  I've come to realize my dogs problem.  When she was 6 mo's old, kids tied her up to a pole and cut the shit out of her.  Stabbed her... required stitches.  Fast forward 2 years, and she's great..  She does very well with me and the kid.. kinda protective.. which is cool.  But here's the deal.  If she is "tied up", and people come around, she goes APE SHIT.  Seriously, acts like she wants to rip their heads, hands, arms, legs off.  No joke.  BUT.  If I don't have her tied up, I can have people over in the backyard, and she's great.  Licks them to death..  Poor dog.

Anyway, so I got another dog.  Another Pit to be exact...  she's Beautiful, and 7 months old, and just awesome..  She follows me everywhere, without a leash... BUT she's getting a little more comfortable with her surroundings and keeps going a little further and a little further..  gotta stop that one. :D  

So, at first, my dog thought new dog was coming to take over.. so she body checked her and slammed her until she hid.  Mind you they are the same size.. like 40 lbs..  Had the older dog on a leash just so I could pull her away from puppy quickly. After a couple hours of this I undid the leash and followed them around the yard...  What a work out!!!

Anyway, after a bit, they started to get a long great... ok, for the MOST part LOL.  They played for hours and hours... puppy slept UNDER my bed and older dog prolly slept in the kids room on her bed where she ain't supposed to be.  

After a couple days of this, you'd think they'd get along... well, like I said, for the most part.  Old dog still gets pissy if puppy comes and hangs out by me too long, or too close and just yells at her and runs her off.. 

Damn Dogs.

Moving..

Finally moved... ok, well almost.. I mean, got all the "required" stuff in the new house just so we can "live" there.. Now, it's just multiple trips to finish getting the "rest" of my shit... Have a bunch of stuff for decorating that I just don't want anymore, so I traded stuff with a friend of mine who is giving me a couple Miller Lite Neon signs to put in my garage along with some racing shit too... Gotta have a cool garage.. Oh ya.. and the pool table is goin in there.. Drinkin' and driving sucks sooooo bad, so might as well make the pad a little more enjoyable. :D ya I know.. I'm a dork.
The dog is rather enjoying the new place.. I think she really likes grass!! HAHA The yard was sooo small at the old place, so she's in heaven now... she prances around the yard and hops like a rabbit.. pyscho dog. The kid is lovin the new place too... ONE STORY!!! woo hoo.. no more stairs for my poor knees.. I bought a new bedding set and the kid ALWAYS wants what I have... so... I found one on sale (GREAT PRICE BTW) for her Full size bed. It's made by JEEP and it is similar colors to my set, so she'll be happy. I told her no more Camouflage in her room.. BUT, to surprise her, the sheet set it comes with is like dirt camo (light, and simple) with boot prints all over it.. Works very well for my little Tomboy.. ;)
I've gotten soooo much done already, so I'm pretty happy.. have some more things to do... the area rugs showed up yesterday, so those will be all done by tonight... (of course that's if I don't get any beer on the way home today ;) )
Anyway, hope ya'll are doing well... I'm doing GREAT... (which is a nice change) Cheers!

It's all good..

So, I sold my house... and now I am in the process of moving.. Was hoping to get the keys sooner than I did, but that didn't happen, alas, I have them now, and am starting the process.. I have decided that since I have some time to do it, I am going to move gradually, rather than cram everything into 2 days. This way, I can actually put things in their right places as I go, which will make it even smoother.. I am very excited about it now.. I spent yesterday and last night cleaning it all.. and replacing things that just needed to be done. It's a really nice feeling. I had a beer in the backyard last night by myself and just enjoyed the peace and quiet.. then couldn't sleep because I couldn't shut my mind off thinking about where I want to put everything, then changing it in my head over and over.. haha Anyway, been busy packing etc, so haven't been around much. I'll be back once I get moved and settled in. Til then, Peace.

Ho Hum..

Do you ever find days... or multiple days where everything is just "blah". Not for any particular reason, it just is. Like crying but not really about anything. Or just when nothing in your life seems to be better than just "blah". I seem to go in cycles. And right now I'm in it. Not for any particular reason I don't think. At least I'm not sure of. I mean, my house is damn near sold.. waiting for Escrow to open, so that is a GREAT thing for me. Can finally get back to having a savings account again.. I'm as healthy as I can be, I suppose, so that's good.. The Kid is awesome, and that is just super. Yet, I'm still blah. I think my absolute WORST quality as a human being is that I procrastinate everything. I know that I have a condition that makes me tired all the time, but I seem to use that as an excuse. That sucks. But I really AM tired all the time. I KNOW what I need to start doing in order to make my life better, but I am not doing it. I can't seem to find the motivation to do so on a daily basis. Kinda like working out. I NEED to do that too, but when we get home, there's homework, and laundry etc... so I find something ELSE to do rather than what I need to do.
The fact that I recognize this behavior SHOULD make it easier maybe to know that I need to get off my ass and do something productive. I WANT to.. I really do. I just can't force myself to do it.
Hence, "Ho Hum" or just "Blah".
What to do? What can I do to light a HUGE MASSIVE fire under my butt to get things done and get my life in order!?!?
I bought this great bracelet that is called a Mobius Strip and it has the Serenity prayer on it. People have asked me why I am wearing an AA bracelet. (Which for me, that is kinda funny, altho I have been to AA and I am not knocking it by any means, I'm just not wearing it for that purpose). I am wearing this bracelet, because every single morning I get out of bed I HAVE to ask for the Serenity to "Accept the things I can not change". That is sooo important to me right now. I want to control everything, and when I can't, I get pissed. Really pissed. So, I want to learn how to 1. accept what I have no control over, and 2. BE OK WITH IT. That is just one part of the serenity prayer. That is the only part I am working on ME for right now. The rest, will come once I can get thru the first part I think.
Anyway.. until next time.

Where have I been??

It's been awhile... Things have been busy like usual.. So, I sold my house.. Well, I accepted an offer.. So now gotta wait for escrow to open and start packing. Been looking closer to work for a HOUSE to rent, found a couple, so need to check those out. Been going to Arizona a couple times to check out schools and economy out there, and in some areas, not so good. O well.
Need to seriously get to work on side work for websites or something, so that I can start making some decent money. I would like to move and not have to work, besides on my computer, and be with the Kid before and after school... I know.. Keep dreamin'. I'm gonna try tho damn it!!
So, anyway, that's about it.. been working on some projects for the kids class, like makin volcanos and dinosaurs (stegosaurus) out of clay... Kinda fun. She's learning how to write a report taking FACTS from the computer, and making it into her own words.. I was trying to explain plagiarism to her, and she started to get so upset thinking all the information she got was Plagiarizing. I explained it all to her, and what the difference is... she felt much better... Man, she rocks.
So, she really wants to move, but I have a couple hurdles to jump in order to do that, so I'm trying to be realistic, and say it will be at least 6 months before we can move outta here. It's cool... I can hang a little while longer.. Success isn't easy to achieve, if it were, we'd all be rich.
Hope everyone is doing well! Peace!
"Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be"

People Suck..

I'm tired. I'm tired of doing everything I can for people and trying to help, only to get what in return? Nada. Zilch. Nothing. People Suck. I don't do things EXPECTING something in return, but when a time comes when I need some help or "something".. it would be nice if everyone didn't have to get a root canal on that very same day. Not cool. Seems no one appreciates Friends anymore. It's sad really. And people that "supposedly" care about you, wow, I am AMAZED how these same people can just drop you like nothing, in order to do things to please themselves, and not give a SHIT about anyone else or anyone elses feelings. Pretty fucked up and shitty if you ask me. I'm completely annoyed by people these last couple weeks, therefore had nothing good to write about.
I will say this tho. There are few people that I know in my life, who can out of no where, not know what I am personally going thru, can say something to me that for a while, makes everything "OK". My brother did that for me. He doesn't know it tho. I can honestly say right now, I am an equal opportunity hater. I don't like anyone more or any less. Pretty shitty I know. But right now, that's how it is. Yesterday was one day good, or bad. Tomorrow will be another, who knows what kind of shit will happen then.
Anyhow, my brother calls me one night, I was sleeping. He had been drinking, and just called to tell me out of the blue how much he misses me and loves me and that I mean the world to him. Those were HIS words. Talk about something NICE from someone who has no idea what that means. It was really nice. With me and my brother, drinking and heartfelt conversations, go hand in hand. That is basically the ONLY time we can say what we REALLY feel. He's like me and hides his feelings about a lot of things.
Well, he one upped himself. He called me a couple nights later, again I was asleep, and said "Hey.. I haven't been drinking this time (insert hearty chuckle) and I wanted to tell you sober, what I told you the other day. I do really miss you. Very much and I love you so much, and "the kid" too. Anyway, just wanted you to know".
My brother ROCKS. Plain and simple.
I put my house up for sale. I fully intend to leave the state in the next year. Looking to decide what I am going to do for a living in order to leave. The kid is SOOO excited to move out of state. As am I. Anyway.. that's where I am right now... pretty shitty, but still ok.

Birthdays and other annoyances..

I'm not sure about all of you, but I am still not too sure about "Birthdays". I mean, kinda pointless really. First you have the whole "work" thing. People who normally have nothing to say to you all year long, find out it's your birthday and want to be a part of the cake and singing bullshit. WHY exactly? You don't talk to me during the year, but want to pretend to be my friend for 3 minutes? NO THANKS. I removed my name from all that work politics shit. Then you have friends and family. Well, family who are just complete assholes, and "TEXT" you rather than actually making a phone call. Or have your neices CALL you to say happy birthday. Whatever. And then you have friends (or supposed friends) that you may have known ALL your life that just blow you off completely. Nice huh? Don't get me wrong.. other family and friends called, emailed, or sent ecards for which I am very grateful... I love you guys.. :D
So I had some plans to "celebrate" my birthday. That was a mistake. I planned to go to the river to hang out for the weekend.. but that went south.. seems you really should include EVERYONE in plans being made especially when "OTHER" plans have been in place for a while already, tends to throw a wrench in shit. Then changed plans to go to the desert. ANYTHING that could have possibly gone WRONG this past weekend did. Trucks breaking down, Off Road Vehicles needing a tune up (shit it’s been THAT long already!?!) .. so didn't go there either. No ones fault for anything, just that "Shit happens". You know what tho, it's cool.. Me and the kid got a LOT accomplished this weekend, and I am really happy with that.. Cleaned the yard, pulled weeds, cleaned the BBQ (YUK)... Put away Christmas boxes (Finally) and I'll tell ya.. didn't realize I have THAT MUCH space in my house! LOL
Oh and my clothes dryer took a shit. Doesn't get HOT anymore. No, it actually doesn't get any HEAT period. Gotta call someone to come out to check that for me.. take time off work.. Oh goodie. What's new.. something else I have to fork out money I don't have to fix...
And why do people who are in your life (or not anymore for whatever reason i.e. DIVORCE) so annoying?? Why do people want to just make my life so difficult and pissy!?!?! Why can't shit just BE EASY for once!?!?
And while I'm "ranting" today... Don't lend money to ANYONE. Period. "We'll pay you back on Tuesday for some money today". Ya. Right. Stressful. Annoying. Ugh.
Anyhow.. hope ya'll have a real good week.

"I'm not crazy, M'Lynn, I've just been in a bad mood for the last 40 years" Ouiser from Steel Magnolias

Happy Easter..

Hope everyone is doing well. Easter is coming up this weekend.. Nice time for a little getaway. I just got back from Idaho and visiting with my family. Had a great time. There are TWO bars in "town". Oh, and Town consists of about 500 people. You can walk between bars. Not a good thing. LOL So Friday was nice.. saw my brother and brought other family with me. The boys had a blast. Drank a little too much Friday night, but hey.. Birthday weekend!
Saturday, the boys got up and went hunting for a while. I took a much needed nap. Watched it snowing out the window for a couple hours.. Then my pop said he wanted me to see some property in Montana so we went for a little drive to check it out. Looks pretty cool.. I can't believe ALL the outdoorsy stuff there is to do!! River "floatn", hunting, hiking, dirt biking... and it's beautiful. Ok, but I still hate snow. Anyway.. came back from Montana and had shots with my pop, my bro, and cousins. Hung out at the bar for the next hours... One of the cousins bet my bro that he could have him DRUNK by 10pm. He took the bet, and LOST!! My bro was drunk by 9pm and we had to get one of the locals to drive him home. That was sooo worth it! So we continued on until about 1am singing Karaoke and drinking and then headed home.
My folks have 2 Golden Retrievers, who certainly LOVE to cuddle but won't let you move around or anything, so sleep was not fun. Oh, and then there are also 5 cats. Try wakin up with two bog dogs crowding you and opening your eyes to a cat nose. Bleh.
Sunday morning, decided to go for a hike with Pop and look for...... Poop. That's right. Poop. He wanted me to see the differences in the animal poop out in the country. Moose poop, deer poop and prolly otter poop.. ok, kidding there. Actually, it was interesting. There is still a LOT of snow, so while hunting poop, were were stepping and sinking as far as possible into the snow, whilst the two wonderful dogs would pounce and then it was over. I had a blast.
Sunday afternoon, we bbq'd some Chicken that I marinated. We used to bbq a lot when the family lived back here, so it was nice to do. We all had a celebratory beer for the brothers birthday, and then packed up and headed out. Had to stop by the "bars" in town on our way out, since we made so MANY friends out there. THAT was kinda cool. I am looking forward to taking the kid out there in the spring. That should be the PERFECT time of year for me to actually ENJOY and appreciate it. And the Kid is soooo excited too. :) I think the fresh air and lack of smog about killed me tho. I've had laryngitis since last Thursday!!! LOL
I have been spending a lot of time with family lately.. well, family that I have seen here and there over the years, but now as adults, we are appreciating each other more.. That is very nice. We're going to get together this weekend.. Should be fun.
Anyhow, Happy Easter Everyone.. have a safe weekend..

HHmmmmm..

Well.. I haven't really had much to say lately.. things are just kinda rollin along... I seem to have the kid more and more now, which has been kinda nice. I was having such a difficult time when she would be gone with her dad for his weekend.. seems she was gone forever and I would get REALLY bored..
Anyway, I think I'm gonna hit the dirt/desert this weekend, and get some riding in. Then the following weekend, supposed to go up and see the parental figures and Brother for his 30th birthday. I am excited to see them, but I HATE cold weather and they know it.. Blah.
I have some extra people coming out with me for my brother as a surprise.. (a couple more cousins, one is meeting me up there, that he knows about, but not the two that are coming with me).. can't wait to see his expression he's gonna be soooo damn happy.
My pops has a respiratory infection, so I hope he is doing better before I get out there. Seems according to the weather, it is snowing there this week, and the time we are all going out there, supposed to be sunny then rain all week after we leave.. Kinda diggin' that.. Bringin a Ray of sunshine to the depths of .. well you know.. ;)
Nothing else really new.. like I said.. things have been kinda quiet.. OH! Don't know if I mentioned it before/yet, but I found a local liquor store that started carrying FLYING DOG BEER. But, they didn't carry In Heat Wheat. So I asked if they could, and he said sure.. I'll order it today it'll be here Tuesday.. Now, the shelves ALWAYS have my beer for me.. Ah, the simple things in life..

"Happiness is having your favorite ice cold beer, good friends to enjoy it with and some kick ass music" ~ Me.

This is the title..

So there's a saying that damn near EVERYONE has heard before... "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." Ok, if that is the case, I would really like for someone to tell me HOW does He KNOW how much I can handle?!?! I mean.. a lot of things have happened over the last couple weeks.. I even got to deal with my brother. And that was actually NICE!! I really enjoyed spending time with him and I even got to put him in his place a couple times.. LOL.. So that was worth it. Something I did notice the last couple days tho.. I miss him. I hate when he's not around.. As much of shit that he is..
Anyway, back to God. How in his infinite wisdom does He what we as people can deal with an not deal with?? I mean really. What about those people that decide they Can't deal with shit anymore and commit suicide? Did God go a little too far there? Does that mean we CAN'T handle it all?! Ok, I have NO intentions of suicide or anything like that.. but stress certainly got me thinking about all this and it sucks.. Ya, I am strong person. I can handle a lot.. and it's cool.. but sometimes.. a BREAK would be really nice!!
Anyway.. things are quieting down now.. and it's nice.. I suppose this is my little break.. nothing going on.. besides the normal shit.. Work, School, Chores etc... Gonna take off this weekend for a little R&R with some friends to watch a desert moto race. Oh ya, and drink beer. :D

Too Young To Die..

These last few days have been pretty bad. To get right to it, I lost my 18 yr old cousin. He was riding his motorcycle and wrecked it on Wednesday.. My brother flew out here to see him as well. Circumstances SUCK but he's here. I miss him terribly and I'm glad he's here. My cousin tho... 18. WAAY to young. Why!?!? Had so much to live for. I am pissed and angry but, on the other hand, he's with his dad now... I am happy for that. Very much so. I have been around so much family (MANY cousins) and it has been really good. Again, circumstances SUCK but, we have all come back in touch, and that is great. Sleep hasn't happened too much since Wednesday.. :(
Top top it all off, make matters worse, however you want to put it.. I didn't get to see the kid for her birthday. THAT really bummed me out. I did talk to her, and she amazes me how "grown up" she is. She was ok with it.. She told me we would do something together when she comes home. I can't WAIT for that. Miss the shit out of her..
Damn, soooo many emotions, I mean, really. It's difficult to maintain composure at times. I have said it before, and this won't be the last time either... LIFE IS SHORT. Period. Live each day like you won't be around tomorrow... Live it to the fullest. My brother and I were driving and heard "Time of your life" by Greenday.. Very fitting. To my cousin... I love you man. Take care and I'll see you when i get there.
" It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.I hope you had the time of your life." Greenday

Common Sense..

This was sent to me this morning... and couldn't resist posting it..

Obituary for MR. COMMON SENSE.

My parents told me about Mr. Common Sense early in my life and told me I would do well to call on him when making decisions. It seems he was always around in my early years but less and less as time passed by. Today I read his obituary. Please join me in a moment of silence in remembrance, for Common Sense had served us all so well for so many generations.

Obituary
Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Aspirin, sun lotion or a Band aid to a student, but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live when religions became businesses and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know my Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm a Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Whomever wrote it... Very nicely put. Kinda sad tho how TRUE it really is.

Good Start..

Well, 2008 is off to a good start... I made it thru January without getting bronchitis/pneumonia as I have for the last couple years.. very cool. The kid however, got ANOTHER strep infection. 3rd one in 8 months.. Time to get the tonsils out I think. Talked to the dr already, she is pretty much in agreeance.
Kindof exciting this month, the kid is gonna be 8 years old. This year, I got her exactly what she wants. No clothes, or socks or any of the crap she pretends so well to be happy about.. LOL Ok, she wanted an RC car, so I spent some cash and got her a REALLY super cool one for her birthday. It's a Losi Mini Truck. It's waaay cool. It goes almost 20mph. It's upgradeable too.. So it will be a good starter RC car for her. She wanted something pretty simple I'm sure.. she will NEVER expect this, so that's just "wicked" (as Ron Weasely would say ha ha). I can't wait to see her face light up.. :D
What else is going on.. oh yea.. Valentine's day. I hate that holiday. Why do we celebrate how we feel about someone ONE DAY of the year. I mean, shouldn't we be doing that on a DAILY basis!?!! Ok, so this is the origination of Valentine's day.. I "THINK" so if I am wrong.. I'm sorry. Here goes:
" The festival of love, which is celebrated on February 14 each year is an expression of what the people believed in their pagan religion to be divine love. This festival was invented more than 1700 years ago, at a time when paganism (shirk) was still prevalent among the Romans. Whilst their state was still idolatrous, they executed Saint Valentine, who had converted to Christianity after having been a pagan.
When the Romans converted to Christianity, they made the day of his execution an occasion to celebrate the martyrs of love. This festival is still celebrated in the Americas and Europe, to declare feelings of friendship and to renew the covenant of love between spouses and lovers. This festival now has great social and economic significance. "
I still disagree with the whole candy and flowers crap on ONE day of the year... Treat your significant other, they way you will on Valentine's day, EVERY DAY of the year. Who knows.. maybe we'll all be a happier people because of it. :)
Anyway.. Let's see.. Oh.. got the taxes done. It's a good year for me. ;) Getting a nice chunk of change, kind of a forced savings account for me. I like it. Life is pretty good right now. I can't complain.
Going to head up to Havasu for President's day. Should be too cold to go on the lake, but just right to go riding. :) That should be a LOT of fun. Then let's see.. There is a race in Adelanto at the end of the month that my "drinkin" buddy is racing in, so that will be a nice little trip.
Oh, got back in touch with some of my cousins that I haven't spoken to in a very long time. We made some plans to get together Saturday to have some lunch and some beers and play catch up. I am really excited to see them.
Oh. Yea.. Superbowl.. I hope everyone enjoyed it. I am obviously a Steeler fan, but I'll tell you.. I am SOOOOOO glad the Giants won. I would have been glad the RAIDERS won if they had played the Patriots (ROTFLMAO ok, that was funny).. but anyway.. I do NOT like New England, and honestly, with Tom Brady's shitty attitude, I'm GLAD he lost. Karma is a bitch man. :D
Hope you all have a great week!

Thought..

Handle every stressful situation like a dog.

If you can't eat it - or hump it.

Piss on it and walk away (and have a beer).

~ Gotta Love it.~

Last of the rain..

Ok, so it's been raining since last week.. I seem to get a little down with the rain. :( Last week, I had to meet up with some family to do a family portrait for my grandfathers birthday. It was pictures of the "great" grandkids.. 6 of them. Wow, that was fun.. LMAO. It was nice to see the cousins and kids.. Amazing how quickly they are all growing up. The kid had a lot of fun and was all smiles.. nice to see. This weekend was kinda nice for me. I haven't been feeling all that well lately, and the kid went fishing, so I had some time alone. It really was nice. Ok, with the rain, and gloomy weather, it wasn't SUPER nice.. but relaxing nonetheless. I guess I needed some "me" time and it worked. Watched a couple movies I hadn't seen yet... "Knocked up". THAT was hilarious... Then I watched "Dark Water".. pretty good.. I expected more, not sure why. And my personal favorite of the weekend, "Premonition" with Sandra Bullock. I love her movies.. Hope Floats is one of my favorites that she's done.. as is Practical Magic.. Anyway, Premonition.. Great Flick. Really Enjoyed it.
So I got to work this morning, and found out that a friend of mine that I worked with for about 4 years passed away yesterday. Heart problems. :( Makes me pretty sad. Not supposed to bury friends especially that are our age. Interesting these last like 2 weeks. First Brad Renfro dies.. Way too young.. with a young child. Then Heath Ledger, 28 years old, also with a young child. Whether accidental, on purpose, or whatever, sad... especially for the children. I can't imagine my life without the Kid in it.. Celebrity deaths... don't really effect me... But, there were two that really got to me. River Phoenix. THAT was very difficult for me. Not really sure why.. but it was hard. And more recently, John Ritter. I have no idea the appeal he had as an actor, but wow, his death really got to me too. Anyway, back to my friend. He had such a HUGE heart. He would help anyone that needed it.. He was a big teddy bear. I don't think I ever heard anyone say one bad thing about him. I believe a bunch of people (even that don't work together anymore) are gonna get together tonight to "celebrate" his life, and drink some beers... He liked doing that.. :D
Definitely makes you think about life and puts things into perspective. Too many times, it's been said "Life is too short".. No Shit. It really is. Obviously.
I've said it before, go home, hug your significant other, and your kids etc... you never know if you can do it tomorrow.

“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” - Mahatma Gandhi