What's new..

I HATE being uninspired.  My last entry was a few months back... And the end result of THAT day was damn near the same as any other day in court..  Pieces of data were missing, someone needs to find it..  blah blah..  Back again next month. Fast forward a few months.  Feb 15th.  I won't go into the annoying shitty details, but now rather than going to his house sat 8am she goes Friday after school.  She's very angry.  The counselor flat out LIED in her report and put words into my mouth that were never said.  Long story short, I'm kind of GLAD she goes Friday - Sunday night now.  These last few months have been... beyond rough.  Arguments escalated between she and I as well as he and I.  And she turned 13 this month to boot.  AND that whole "became a woman" thing hit.  She's an emotional hormonal wreck.  I have just been ignoring everything.  I stopped my smoothies, and my diet went to shit.  I have gained like 10 lbs in the last few months.  My jeans don't fit.  What did I do? How did I get here?   Doesn't really matter anymore.  I have already started changing things.  :)  One is I got my new Vitamix 750 Pro.  OH BOY DO I LOVE IT.  I'm back on my smoothies and have already dropped a few pounds because of it.  A friend of mine has some health issues, so I told him he should be drinking green smoothies..  I made the following recipe and brought him some.  He was REALLY surprised how yummy it was...  It's nice to help others.. balances out shitty days at home.  :) 

6 or so leaves of Kale
a handful of Italian Parsely
a handful of regular Parsely
6 leaves Dandelion Root
a peeled knuckle size chunk of ginger
a few shakes of cinnamon
2 tsp raw organic honey
some ground up rolled oats (like flour consistency)
10oz green tea
1/2 fresh pineapple WITH the core
1 green apple
1 banana
1 orange (WITH the white pith skin part)
1 bag organic frozen raspberries
2 tsp flax meal
2 tsp maca powder
1/2 lemon juice

Blend it all in a big blender, it yields about 64 ounces of yummy smoothies...  I usually put 1/2 in 32oz mason jars and drink one each day.  1/2 for Breakfast and 1/2 for lunch or snack.  GOOD stuff...  Note:  I never measure smoothies.. just toss stuff into the blender... if it doesn't taste good after blending, just add more sweet stuff  :)
Tonight I am going to mix it up and use a grapefruit and add some cucumber.. 
Have a great day er'body~

Am I where I should be??

I've been constantly asking myself lately, if this is where I am supposed to be in life.  I mean, I'm 39, and a single Mom.  I've taken care of myself since I was 16 years old.  I did the married thing for a few years, and realized it wasn't for me. (or I picked the wrong guy, or I am just a bitch, or whatever).  Anyway, since turning 39 a couple weeks ago, and taking a good look around me, I found I'm a little bit lost.  On the one hand I feel like "Oh my gosh, I'm 39 years old and what do I have to show for my life except where I am RIGHT this minute." I feel like I screwed up so many things and maybe I'm starting over for the 3rd time?  Like another "mid life crisis"...  now, on the OTHER hand... I feel like I'm old. I'm done. No one is going to want to date an old hag like me with a full time kid to boot.  I'm damaged goods.  And even tho that may be, WHY AM I OK WITH THAT!?!?  I like being alone.  No one to have to do anything for (besides Dano).  I can do what I want (which isn't a whole hell of a lot since I have Dano.. NO COMPLAINTS here btw).  And then I think, but I don't have anyone to share ME with...  And this is where I decided I'm lost.  I don't know where I should be.  Or what I should be doing.  I have a job, Dano and I are healthy, my business is doing pretty good (even tho I want to quit my day job and do my business full time)..  Whose to say where MY life should be?? Am I behind in achievements or something?  Should I try sky diving again?  Learn scuba diving?  WHAT AM I MISSING!?!?!?   Usually writing this stuff gives me a little clarity...  no such luck this time... 

New Beginnings..

I hope to have A LOT of new beginnings this year.. I changed my name.. that was HUGE and a big GOOD change.. :)  On Jan 1st I went out and bought me and the kid a new car.  "Bessie", my 04 Tahoe was at 99,991 and I feared wouldn't last much longer.. so this year, we are starting out with a new car.  It's a car we can afford, and with the gas I was putting in the 11mpg tahoe, it pays for the car.  :)  VERY happy about that... Actually, I'll be SAVING $$!  We deserve it.  She thinks the shadow of it looks like "Shrek".. so we named the car "Fiona".. Fi for short, since it IS a girl car.. ;)   The house we are renting, the owners LOVE us so much, they asked if we wanted to BUY the house!  I love everything about it.  More yard than house.. I spend more time outside anyway.  A pool..  3 br 2 bath.. it's just perfect.  I think in a few months I will look into doing that.  Having full custody of Dano now for going on 8 months has been awesome.. we are going to do so much together this year.. little road trips and just being together.  Hopefully my job will go back to full time in the first qtr, but in the meantime, I am going to start doing everything I can to get my business www.ieskinnywrap.com up to where it should be.  I really would like to quit my job and do my business full time, helping others to become the healthy person they want to be. :)  Anyway, I am happy, and content right now. Sure, I could win the lotto and be SUPER happy, but I keep playing.. HAHA  Anyway, I hope ALL of you have many new and exciting beginnings this year as well.  Together we can make it happen.  
Cheers n beers y'all!

Me Time..

Well, I got my "Me" time.. LOL. I got sick. Had to take time off work, and spent 4 days just relaxing and resting and sleeping. A LOT. 14 or so hours a night, and then napping during the day. To be honest.. It was really nice. Anyway, my brother finishes his time in 6 days. Then he's off to Idaho to live with the folks. I"m happy for him, he really needs to get out of here.. I'll be leaving around the same time to go out of state for work. Just for a couple days, but it will be really nice to get away for that short period of time.
Because I have been doing everything for everyone else lately, I seem to have been neglecting my kid. Not in the sense that I don't talk to her or ignore her. I have just assumed she was doing well at school, and doing homework as she should. Ya, Not exactly. Now, I'm having issues with her... She doesn't seem to want to do any school work. Or stop talking during class. Or stop getting out of her seat.. Go figure. I could say "she's 7, they do that", but I think it's more of a lack of my parenting skills. Or maybe teaching skills. So I need to spend more time with her, and "teach" her things. I'm not the smartest person, but I think I have some things that I can teach her to maybe help her along. All I want is for her to succeed. Somehow. And I will do whatever I have to, to help her. She is going to have it better than I did. I want her to have everything she wants, but to also APPRECIATE it all.
Ok, enough of my whining.. She is a good kid tho. I know she is normal. Well, as far as normal goes right?

"A characteristic of the normal child is he doesn't act that way very often." Author Unknown

ME!

As this blog indicates, I just want to be me. Not what EVERY OTHER DAMN person wants of me. I can only live up to so many expectations (and THAT isn't all that easy). I like the saying "You can please some of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time" But there is another one... equally good "I Can Only Please One Person Per Day. Today ain't your day and tomorrow ain't lookin' good for you either". I can't seem to please ANYONE lately. Least of all myself. And isn't that how it's supposed to work? To do things to please OURSELVES first? I guess that is difficult to achieve when you are too busy trying to please everyone else at the same time. The shitty thing there is, how do you prioritize who you try to please first? I mean, there has to be a chain there somewhere right? There aren't enough hours in a day to do EVERYTHING that seems to be expected of me. Let's see, I broke my foot, had to deal with Dr's and hospitals for xrays, and meetings for work, and family... no wait.. not a lot of that here for me now. Let's see, what else? Oh yea, my kid, and homework, and laundry, and cleaning, and making dinner, and making lunches for school, on top of working all day. Oh, and let's add to that I have a cold now and I can't breathe. I have friends that need help with a computer, or a phone, or a whatever... I really need to stop everything I do, and just hang out with ME for a while. But then of course, you will all think I am a selfish bitch. This isn't me bitching about how busy my life seems to be, ok, yea it is.. but it's my fault. I really don't know who reads this, but I have an idea, and this relates to every single one of you... somehow. Not MY time / energy per se.. but you can relate. I don't think you'd be human if you didn't.

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am not for others, what am I? And if not now, when? "
Rabbi Hillel

A Song..

Ok, so everyone has their "Favourite" song.. Of course I do as well, but it really depends on my mood and the day. How many times have you said "Oh, I Love this song?" :D More that we care to admit I'm sure.
So anyway, I heard this song last night: Big girls don't cry (by Fergie). Definately not my favourite artist, or song, but still something about it really made me think. Part of the song goes like this: "I need some shelter of my own protection baby. To be with myself instead of calamity. Peace, Serenity". I think I have longed for the peace and serenity for a long time, and hearing that just kind of struck a chord. Cliche` as it sounds, I really am a big girl. Sometimes tho, it would be nice for someone to be physically next to me just to tell me it's all "OK".
Another part of the song is this: "The path that I'm walking I must go alone I must take the baby steps until I'm full grown". I am full grown, but I am walking this path now, alone for quite a while. I have learned much, and I have lost a lot as well. But it is a path that I have to take in order to continue to grow as a person. Into a "big girl".
I had my moment last night where I was the little girl, balled up on the floor crying but now, like the chorus goes: "But I've got to get a move on with my life. Its time to be a big girl now...
And big girls don't cry....."
Time to stop crying and be a big girl... Here goes nothin'.. :D