Y'all are liars...

You know, I had seriously really wanted to believe you guys that I am doing things re: Dano "Right".  SHE just had to prove y'all wrong I guess.  I swear.  I am madder than a wet hen right now.  I am really trying to do everything the best that I can alone.  I CAN'T DO IT.  She's supposed to get ALL of her homework done when she is at "his" house.  Seems he can't be bothered with checking her homework to make SURE SHE DOES IT.  She's 12 FFS!! Of course she's gonna try to get out of it.  She did it last night.  I told her "Get ALL OF YOUR WORK DONE" when she got out of my car.  When I picked her up "Did you finish ALL OF YOUR WORK?"  "Yup"  Wrong.  I even got her an AGENDA to put in there ALL of her assignments.  Now, it is HIS job to be a parent and check to make sure she's doing what she's supposed to.  WHY WOULD I EXPECT THAT?!?!  He doesn't even "know" her anymore.  I shit you not.  Doesn't ask about school, friends, BOYS, NOTHING.  So, why expect he would check on her school work.  And therein lies my problem.  I screwed up because I didn't do it either.   I left it to him to do HIS JOB.  
So, this morning, she calls me (She calls me at LEAST 8 times every morning...) and she's crying.  At first I think it's because I went to wake her up to get up and shower, and she pitched THE biggest fit... so I just left.  Thought she was apologizing for that.  Nope.  She didn't do her homework.  OH MY GOSH Can you believe it!?  GASP!  Quelle Horreur!  I was pretty much beside myself.  BUT, in the larger scheme of things.. it is MY FAULT.  
I hate that, I hate admitting that, and saying it in my head.   But, it is.  So... Now, I am back to spending MY afternoons doing 7th grade pre algebra and talking about Atilla the Hun (Which I told Dano was very similar to my mother) and whatever other crap I don't care to remember about middle school.   That's not fair.  I am adult damn it.  I don't WANT to do school work, but to make sure that SHE succeeds, and does far better than I did in life, I guess I'll just drink my beers sitting on the floor in the office, listening to whatever is on the agenda starting today.   Yuk. 

Am I doin' it right??

It finally came to a head last night.  As far as I am concerned little white lies are the same as any other lie.  I don't care what anyone says, it is HARD to be a single full time parent.  Period.  I have to be Mom and in some cases Dad too.  It's frustrating, and quite honestly not fun.  So yesterday, I asked Dano to put the dishes in the dishwasher away and put the dirty dishes in, feed the dogs and get herself ready for school.  NOTHING happened, besides getting to school.  I asked her if the stuff was done at that time, and the response was "Almost".  I know what ALMOST means.  Not even close, haven't touched it, what was I supposed to do again?   I let it go.  We got home yesterday, and I saw the dishes, and we were putting away a few groceries.  Dano was going on and on about the back to school dance that is tonight.  Long story short, told Dano 2 more times to get the dishes done.  Didn't happen until about 7:30 last night, after I finally YELLED at her to get off her butt and do it NOW.  I lost it.  I told her she was a liar (technically she is) and that she KNOWS everything I've had to go thru with Donor and court for the last year, OVER a year, and this is how she is treating me.  I have to tell her 5,6 or 7 times to do something that should take ONE time go make her get up and DO IT.  I'm tired.  I can't be the good guy (Mom) AND the bad guy at the same time.  It's impossible.  Last night I turned into "Dad".. and very similar to her actual one.  She cried, a LOT.  Hysterically even.  After all I said to her, I didn't even FEEL BAD about it!  I knew I was right and I was just FED UP to here with all the bullshit.  She's 12 FFS!!!  Anyway, she kept saying I'm sorry.. I said for what? You aren't SORRY, you are upset you got caught LYING to me...  she said No, I'm sorry for disappointing you.   Ok WOW.  That's the worst feeling for ME personally, disappointing someone.  I hate feeling that I let someone down.  For whatever reason, it just crushes me.  Apparently that rubbed off on her.. Thank GOD.  I am not one to hold grudges WITH HER only.  Everyone else, no problem.  I can't do that to Dano.  She stopped crying and we talked more.  I apologized for yelling at her, but I said I wasn't sorry for calling her out.  She told me to not be sorry that it was her fault, and she was wrong, and she has to make things right with me.   And the dance.. I asked WHY I should let her go... (she was soo excited to go) and she told me "You shouldn't.  I don't deserve to go"..  I said you can tell all your friends how mad at me you are that I'm not going to let you go.  She was shocked but she said, "No, I'll tell them I lied to you and I can't go".   We'll see how that goes.   It is really hard to raise a kid, by yourself.  Literally, no family, no grandparents to help, no aunts or uncles to do anything... it's just "US"..  I really hope I am "doin it right"...  

Times change..

I am not even sure where to begin today.  Yesterday I buried my dear Friend Laurie.  She was 41 years young.  She was my big buddy in High School.  We shared a few classes together with the same teacher, Mr. Hufferd aka "Huff".  He was there at the services.  After it was over, the girls (Tiffany, Brittany & Shannon) and I took Huff to lunch. We had a lovely time.  I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with Huff who will be turning 80 about the same time I will be turning 40 next year.  I was really disappointed by the lack of "friends" from HS to show up for the services.  I know everyone is different and they all "have lives" to live etc.. but I can't wrap my head around, what is SOOO important in your great life, that you couldn't take a few hours out of your day to say good bye to a friend.  Granted, there have been 1 maybe 2 funerals I did not attend because I would have been a broken down blubbering mess and ruined everything.  But I just can't see that what 30-40 people would have done the same at one funeral?  Anyway, that has been weighing heavily on my mind today.  I have no family, so to spend time with Huff listening to stories gave me a sense of "family" again and that was very comforting to me.  I miss Laurie.  She was at my house last for a gathering of friends before I moved.  Those happen now and again, but it won't be the same without her.  I think I'll have to do another one anyway, around Christmas time, and host friends that ARE still around.. My brain is having a hard time adjusting and many thoughts flying around.  Dano saw Lauries picture on the funeral card, and exclaimed "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME IT WAS HER!?"  I didn't think Dano remembered her, she only saw her a handful of times, and it wasn't like Dano was really interested or so I thought.  She was upset at me for not letting her go with me, but I had to be Mom and made her attend school.  It's just how it is.  I miss Laurie's smile, and laughter, and her ability to make you smile even if you are in a crying fit.  Her sarcasm taught me so well, and that will be missed terribly.  I am really not sure where to go with this, I think I just needed to write it down so I didn't keep dwelling..  I can't wait to meet up with her again some day.  

One of Laurie's Favorite sayings... :) 

My out of CONTROL garden..

I was kinda laughing last night, taking pictures of my garden... I've taken about 12 squash off there already and theres still a ton more... the corn is really starting to thrive, as are the peas.. FINALLY!  I literally just planted the zucchini on saturday and the pic below show how big they are after just 4 days!!  They were SEEDS!  The tomatos are doing well, so is the broccoli.  Dano's "gourds" (I still have no idea why she wanted these) are doing well also.  Now. I am fairly certain that I planted the watermelon, cantaloupe and the um.. oh pumpkin WAAAY too close together, as they have created their own intermingled bed of leaves.  It's been 16 days since the last post of pics of the garden.  It is out of control now.  For reals.  In the huge mess of the melons/pumpkin, I found last night ONE single watermelon growing on a limb that has grown OUT of the garden onto the concrete.  ONE. That's it.  In the whole jungle, one.  WTH!?!?!  Oh, and also, the pumpkin.  I really didn't think it would live.  The roots are in the ground and look pretty homely.  The vines have grown to the far left, and there, on that ONE vine, is ONE pumpkin.  Again, ONE.  Shit better start producing stat!  Now, when I get home today, seeing as the weather has dropped a whopping 10 degrees in the last day or so (THANK GOODNESS) I will get into the garden and check out the cantaloupe.  Haven't seen squat from that sucker, but a TON of pretty yellow flowers.  My grape vine LIVED!  I am soooo happy about that.  Haven't planted it in the ground yet, wasn't sure what it was going to do, so I need to do that pretty quick...  Anyway, without further ado... *Le Garden*

Just stuff..

So Dano was supposed to go with the donor to "the river" this past weekend. Long story short, she decided she did not want to go, rather get the rest of her "school stuff" together and relax before school starts this Wednesday.  Many of you know, they don't really get along.  Not surprising, I mean, I DIVORCED him for a reasons..  He was VERY upset with her, and threatened to tell her "friends" (his friends kids that he states she has already pushed away) to NOT invite her anywhere because she didn't go with him.   VERY adult of him no?  He also told her he is "SELLING HER STUFF".. no more bedroom for her to have.  She hasn't stayed over night for over a year, but this makes me think he has no plans to change that now.  :(  Had to rush around Friday and left work early to take her to the Dr to get a TB test so she CAN start school this week.. (Crazy day).. so He has to run her by the dr today before 5pm to get the result and papers to give to school.  WHAT a mess.. talk about pissy.. "Why do I have to do this on MY day!?  Why can't YOU do it!!?"  Um, hi, you are her DAD, it's part of YOUR job as a parent!  Ugh..  Back to my point.  
She stayed home with me.  (I was happy haha)  We spent saturday relaxing, for reals, and smoked porky pigs butt again.. OH MY GOSH DELICIOUS!!  Dano had the brilliant idea to use some of the roasted salsa I made last weekend on her bbq pulled pork samiches... WOW.. amazing flavors..  Then I took one of mine, and added .... Dill relish.  HOLY BAT CRAP it was amazing too! LOL  (I get the little dinner rolls and make small samiches with that... more fun and messy!)  Kira (next door neighbor BFF) and Dano and now the gal that JUST moved into the culdesac as well, Lauren were all running amock Saturday night..  You KNOW you are old when you HAVE to stay up late on a weekend night just to not worry about your kids... ;)  LOL  They had a great time..  VERY relaxing for her.  
Sunday am, we went to Wallyworld to get groceries.. and school supplies.. OH MY GAWD was that a hoot!  There was a poor dad there ALONE shopping based off of his 4th grade daughters hand writing... I could stop here.. but, no.. Dano walked with him helping him shop while I got her stuff..  School (7th grade) did not provide ANY type of list for supplies, so I just googled 7th grade supplies, and went off that.. Hopefully we are close. ;)   The guy was very grateful to Dano, and kinda hung with us in the supplies area still shopping, and I believe listening to Dano and myself..  I will embarrass her ANY chance I get, and she knows it..  She wanted something, and I grabbed the ELMO pencil box and Spiderman notebook and said if you use these, and NOT HIDE them, then you can have that.. they guy was cracking up.. He said to her, "You have a very cool Mom, be proud of her"..  um, ok.. thank you. HAHA   Then I was explaining to Dano about "Back in my day, things were different".. Dano tried to argue with me, and a teenage girl (closer to 20) said to Dano "Never question your Mom, she is ALWAYS right no matter what you think.. TRUST ME".  HA!  See!?!? Random strangers know I am right!  hahhahhahahaha  That cracked me up..  
So we go to leave, and the gal at the door checking receipts is looking at mine, and I glanced at her name tag.....   ~DANO~ is what it said!  I showed Dano, and the two were chatting as I went to load the car.. her name is Danielle too, and has ALWAYS gone by Dano..  Now, MY Dano has decided, "I am going to just stay Dano, Mom.. not Dani, and NOT Danielle.. It'll be cool, and different"..   that's my girl. 
After we got home from there, did some more gardening, and then I took all three girls to 'the river'.  Figured I'd look it up, it's just the Santa Ana River that flows down from Big Bear..  it's not deep right now, but man, when it floods..  The girls had more fun than anything I've seen in a long time..  we saw a FOX crossing the river.. really pretty animal.  Not afraid or anything, just played in the water and left.  The girls caught "guppies" and in their attempt to put them into water bottles to bring back to MY house (because their folks would flush them), they jumped OUT of their hands into their bathingsuit tops etc..  LOTS of screaming.. and laughing on my part.. haha  They had Mud throwing fights, wrestling matches, and chased each other up / down the river.   That spot is my new heaven.  The breeze is beautiful, it's like 15 degrees cooler than home (which is 5 minutes away) and just peaceful.   Asshole people left dirty diapers and trash, so I told the girls we are bringing a big trashbag next trip to clean it up since it's like "our spot" now..  They are happy to do it.   Oh, and the "next trip" is Wednesday.. after the first day of school.. They figure they will be so stressed they need to "unwind" for a couple hours..  Guess we'll be going back very soon.  THIS, is MY river... :) 

After the river, we had a nerf gun war... Of course I lost.. ;)  Anyway, we had a FABULOUS relaxing weekend.. She's less stressed out about school, she's ready to go for that..  Now if she would just relax seeing "him" today.  I feel bad for her... Why are people the way they are... 

My dogs... and my garden..

I've been inspired to share a post about my dogs and my garden.. by my friend Nikki Crome..  She has her dogs on a diet to feed them the same healthy foods she likes to eat..  As much as I love my dogs, I never thought about this..  I mean, I've fed them stuff from my garden, but always more as a treat I think.  Included in this post are pictures from my garden.  Started it the second week of July and it's growing beautifully..  Inside my little haven are, Roma Tomatoes, Tomatillos, (a TON) of Broccoli, Watermelon, Cantaloupe, Pumpkin (won't be ready for Halloween tho I don't think  BOO!) Jalapeno, Serrano chile's and habanero as well.  Then there is some Gourds (Dano REALLY wanted to grow them, no idea why) and squash, which are already sprouting about 20 of them!  Then there is a BUNCH of corn, and lastly peas.  (Seems like so much more when I look at it haha)  OH! Forgot the Avocado tree, and my grape vine.. :) The corn.. that didn't take off too well.  The ones that were already growing, only one really "took".  Planted a bunch of seeds, and holy crap within 5 days, they are all sprouting, and now they are a few inches tall already!  I still want to plant Blackberry vines but those won't produce anything for a couple years.  It's relaxing to be out there during the summertime, but damn it's HOT.. Gotta wait til the shade kicks in to get in there..  I think I will head back to the farmer's market and get some more veggies, and eggs, and slowly wean my furry kids off "dog food" and see how that works..  Raw meat with bones... THAT I will continue to research today as well.  I knew about the cooked bones, they can't have, but raw makes a bunch more sense!!  Anyway, thank you +Nikki Crome  here are some pics of my garden. :) 
Peace!