I'm tired. I'm tired of doing everything I can for people and trying to help, only to get what in return? Nada. Zilch. Nothing. People Suck. I don't do things EXPECTING something in return, but when a time comes when I need some help or "something".. it would be nice if everyone didn't have to get a root canal on that very same day. Not cool. Seems no one appreciates Friends anymore. It's sad really. And people that "supposedly" care about you, wow, I am AMAZED how these same people can just drop you like nothing, in order to do things to please themselves, and not give a SHIT about anyone else or anyone elses feelings. Pretty fucked up and shitty if you ask me. I'm completely annoyed by people these last couple weeks, therefore had nothing good to write about.
I will say this tho. There are few people that I know in my life, who can out of no where, not know what I am personally going thru, can say something to me that for a while, makes everything "OK". My brother did that for me. He doesn't know it tho. I can honestly say right now, I am an equal opportunity hater. I don't like anyone more or any less. Pretty shitty I know. But right now, that's how it is. Yesterday was one day good, or bad. Tomorrow will be another, who knows what kind of shit will happen then.
Anyhow, my brother calls me one night, I was sleeping. He had been drinking, and just called to tell me out of the blue how much he misses me and loves me and that I mean the world to him. Those were HIS words. Talk about something NICE from someone who has no idea what that means. It was really nice. With me and my brother, drinking and heartfelt conversations, go hand in hand. That is basically the ONLY time we can say what we REALLY feel. He's like me and hides his feelings about a lot of things.
Well, he one upped himself. He called me a couple nights later, again I was asleep, and said "Hey.. I haven't been drinking this time (insert hearty chuckle) and I wanted to tell you sober, what I told you the other day. I do really miss you. Very much and I love you so much, and "the kid" too. Anyway, just wanted you to know".
My brother ROCKS. Plain and simple.
I put my house up for sale. I fully intend to leave the state in the next year. Looking to decide what I am going to do for a living in order to leave. The kid is SOOO excited to move out of state. As am I. Anyway.. that's where I am right now... pretty shitty, but still ok.