Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Am I where I should be??

I've been constantly asking myself lately, if this is where I am supposed to be in life.  I mean, I'm 39, and a single Mom.  I've taken care of myself since I was 16 years old.  I did the married thing for a few years, and realized it wasn't for me. (or I picked the wrong guy, or I am just a bitch, or whatever).  Anyway, since turning 39 a couple weeks ago, and taking a good look around me, I found I'm a little bit lost.  On the one hand I feel like "Oh my gosh, I'm 39 years old and what do I have to show for my life except where I am RIGHT this minute." I feel like I screwed up so many things and maybe I'm starting over for the 3rd time?  Like another "mid life crisis"...  now, on the OTHER hand... I feel like I'm old. I'm done. No one is going to want to date an old hag like me with a full time kid to boot.  I'm damaged goods.  And even tho that may be, WHY AM I OK WITH THAT!?!?  I like being alone.  No one to have to do anything for (besides Dano).  I can do what I want (which isn't a whole hell of a lot since I have Dano.. NO COMPLAINTS here btw).  And then I think, but I don't have anyone to share ME with...  And this is where I decided I'm lost.  I don't know where I should be.  Or what I should be doing.  I have a job, Dano and I are healthy, my business is doing pretty good (even tho I want to quit my day job and do my business full time)..  Whose to say where MY life should be?? Am I behind in achievements or something?  Should I try sky diving again?  Learn scuba diving?  WHAT AM I MISSING!?!?!?   Usually writing this stuff gives me a little clarity...  no such luck this time... 



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