Monday, June 2, 2008

Ho Hum..

Do you ever find days... or multiple days where everything is just "blah". Not for any particular reason, it just is. Like crying but not really about anything. Or just when nothing in your life seems to be better than just "blah". I seem to go in cycles. And right now I'm in it. Not for any particular reason I don't think. At least I'm not sure of. I mean, my house is damn near sold.. waiting for Escrow to open, so that is a GREAT thing for me. Can finally get back to having a savings account again.. I'm as healthy as I can be, I suppose, so that's good.. The Kid is awesome, and that is just super. Yet, I'm still blah. I think my absolute WORST quality as a human being is that I procrastinate everything. I know that I have a condition that makes me tired all the time, but I seem to use that as an excuse. That sucks. But I really AM tired all the time. I KNOW what I need to start doing in order to make my life better, but I am not doing it. I can't seem to find the motivation to do so on a daily basis. Kinda like working out. I NEED to do that too, but when we get home, there's homework, and laundry etc... so I find something ELSE to do rather than what I need to do.
The fact that I recognize this behavior SHOULD make it easier maybe to know that I need to get off my ass and do something productive. I WANT to.. I really do. I just can't force myself to do it.
Hence, "Ho Hum" or just "Blah".
What to do? What can I do to light a HUGE MASSIVE fire under my butt to get things done and get my life in order!?!?
I bought this great bracelet that is called a Mobius Strip and it has the Serenity prayer on it. People have asked me why I am wearing an AA bracelet. (Which for me, that is kinda funny, altho I have been to AA and I am not knocking it by any means, I'm just not wearing it for that purpose). I am wearing this bracelet, because every single morning I get out of bed I HAVE to ask for the Serenity to "Accept the things I can not change". That is sooo important to me right now. I want to control everything, and when I can't, I get pissed. Really pissed. So, I want to learn how to 1. accept what I have no control over, and 2. BE OK WITH IT. That is just one part of the serenity prayer. That is the only part I am working on ME for right now. The rest, will come once I can get thru the first part I think.
Anyway.. until next time.
Post a Comment