Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Difficulties..

So I have been having some difficulties lately.. Things that are going on in my life, and really NOT appealing to me right now. Nor are certain PEOPLE. I can't believe people are so miserable in their lives, and so cruel as to say whatever they find necessary to bring others down. Others that they "supposedly" care about. I mean, HURTFUL things. WHY on earth would someone intentionally want to hurt someone?! I don't get it. I really don't, and it's very disheartening. I get the whole Misery loves company.. but shit.. go find it somewheres else. Leave me the hell alone!!! I don't want to be a part of ANY of that kind of life. I am really, desperately actually, trying to be happy for a change!! 
I came across something today, that just made sense to me. I printed it out and put it on my wall : "Laugh when you can, apologize when you should. Let go of what you can't change. Kiss slowly, play hard and forgive quickly. Take chances, give Everything and have no regrets." : No regrets. I have a few. Probably a few more than I really need, but I have them nonetheless. I have a hard time with the apologize when you should. I do try to do that all the time. I find that no one else around me has really adopted that. Oh, and the forgive quickly. HAHAHA wow. I have tried over and over and over and over (you get the idea) and holy shit if that isn't one of my biggest obstacles in life. Wow. Forgive. I can't forgive and forget. They go hand in hand. I believe you can't do one successfully without the other. So, forgive means that I should drop it and forget it. I have a memory of an elephant. I remember obscure things. It sucks sometimes. So, that lends more difficulties to me to try to forget. Doesn't happen. Damn it. 
Let's get to disappointment. I HATE to disappoint people. But I hate even more being disappointed. I guess I'm on the low part of the roller coaster that is my life. Having fun and partying with friends, gets kinda old pretty quick. My kid is the most important thing in my life. With the issues I have ongoing with the IRS (don't ask), and bullshit asshole people who I once trusted, I made a LOT of changes recently. I don't even know if I can trust my OWN heart anymore. That's pretty low. Times are very difficult, but I'm getting better with it. Sometimes you really do have to push people away in order to deal with the bullshit. I know things turn around, and get better.. someday. When is the hell does "someday" get here!?
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