Ho Hum..

Do you ever find days... or multiple days where everything is just "blah". Not for any particular reason, it just is. Like crying but not really about anything. Or just when nothing in your life seems to be better than just "blah". I seem to go in cycles. And right now I'm in it. Not for any particular reason I don't think. At least I'm not sure of. I mean, my house is damn near sold.. waiting for Escrow to open, so that is a GREAT thing for me. Can finally get back to having a savings account again.. I'm as healthy as I can be, I suppose, so that's good.. The Kid is awesome, and that is just super. Yet, I'm still blah. I think my absolute WORST quality as a human being is that I procrastinate everything. I know that I have a condition that makes me tired all the time, but I seem to use that as an excuse. That sucks. But I really AM tired all the time. I KNOW what I need to start doing in order to make my life better, but I am not doing it. I can't seem to find the motivation to do so on a daily basis. Kinda like working out. I NEED to do that too, but when we get home, there's homework, and laundry etc... so I find something ELSE to do rather than what I need to do.
The fact that I recognize this behavior SHOULD make it easier maybe to know that I need to get off my ass and do something productive. I WANT to.. I really do. I just can't force myself to do it.
Hence, "Ho Hum" or just "Blah".
What to do? What can I do to light a HUGE MASSIVE fire under my butt to get things done and get my life in order!?!?
I bought this great bracelet that is called a Mobius Strip and it has the Serenity prayer on it. People have asked me why I am wearing an AA bracelet. (Which for me, that is kinda funny, altho I have been to AA and I am not knocking it by any means, I'm just not wearing it for that purpose). I am wearing this bracelet, because every single morning I get out of bed I HAVE to ask for the Serenity to "Accept the things I can not change". That is sooo important to me right now. I want to control everything, and when I can't, I get pissed. Really pissed. So, I want to learn how to 1. accept what I have no control over, and 2. BE OK WITH IT. That is just one part of the serenity prayer. That is the only part I am working on ME for right now. The rest, will come once I can get thru the first part I think.
Anyway.. until next time.

Where have I been??

It's been awhile... Things have been busy like usual.. So, I sold my house.. Well, I accepted an offer.. So now gotta wait for escrow to open and start packing. Been looking closer to work for a HOUSE to rent, found a couple, so need to check those out. Been going to Arizona a couple times to check out schools and economy out there, and in some areas, not so good. O well.
Need to seriously get to work on side work for websites or something, so that I can start making some decent money. I would like to move and not have to work, besides on my computer, and be with the Kid before and after school... I know.. Keep dreamin'. I'm gonna try tho damn it!!
So, anyway, that's about it.. been working on some projects for the kids class, like makin volcanos and dinosaurs (stegosaurus) out of clay... Kinda fun. She's learning how to write a report taking FACTS from the computer, and making it into her own words.. I was trying to explain plagiarism to her, and she started to get so upset thinking all the information she got was Plagiarizing. I explained it all to her, and what the difference is... she felt much better... Man, she rocks.
So, she really wants to move, but I have a couple hurdles to jump in order to do that, so I'm trying to be realistic, and say it will be at least 6 months before we can move outta here. It's cool... I can hang a little while longer.. Success isn't easy to achieve, if it were, we'd all be rich.
Hope everyone is doing well! Peace!
"Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be"

People Suck..

I'm tired. I'm tired of doing everything I can for people and trying to help, only to get what in return? Nada. Zilch. Nothing. People Suck. I don't do things EXPECTING something in return, but when a time comes when I need some help or "something".. it would be nice if everyone didn't have to get a root canal on that very same day. Not cool. Seems no one appreciates Friends anymore. It's sad really. And people that "supposedly" care about you, wow, I am AMAZED how these same people can just drop you like nothing, in order to do things to please themselves, and not give a SHIT about anyone else or anyone elses feelings. Pretty fucked up and shitty if you ask me. I'm completely annoyed by people these last couple weeks, therefore had nothing good to write about.
I will say this tho. There are few people that I know in my life, who can out of no where, not know what I am personally going thru, can say something to me that for a while, makes everything "OK". My brother did that for me. He doesn't know it tho. I can honestly say right now, I am an equal opportunity hater. I don't like anyone more or any less. Pretty shitty I know. But right now, that's how it is. Yesterday was one day good, or bad. Tomorrow will be another, who knows what kind of shit will happen then.
Anyhow, my brother calls me one night, I was sleeping. He had been drinking, and just called to tell me out of the blue how much he misses me and loves me and that I mean the world to him. Those were HIS words. Talk about something NICE from someone who has no idea what that means. It was really nice. With me and my brother, drinking and heartfelt conversations, go hand in hand. That is basically the ONLY time we can say what we REALLY feel. He's like me and hides his feelings about a lot of things.
Well, he one upped himself. He called me a couple nights later, again I was asleep, and said "Hey.. I haven't been drinking this time (insert hearty chuckle) and I wanted to tell you sober, what I told you the other day. I do really miss you. Very much and I love you so much, and "the kid" too. Anyway, just wanted you to know".
My brother ROCKS. Plain and simple.
I put my house up for sale. I fully intend to leave the state in the next year. Looking to decide what I am going to do for a living in order to leave. The kid is SOOO excited to move out of state. As am I. Anyway.. that's where I am right now... pretty shitty, but still ok.

Birthdays and other annoyances..

I'm not sure about all of you, but I am still not too sure about "Birthdays". I mean, kinda pointless really. First you have the whole "work" thing. People who normally have nothing to say to you all year long, find out it's your birthday and want to be a part of the cake and singing bullshit. WHY exactly? You don't talk to me during the year, but want to pretend to be my friend for 3 minutes? NO THANKS. I removed my name from all that work politics shit. Then you have friends and family. Well, family who are just complete assholes, and "TEXT" you rather than actually making a phone call. Or have your neices CALL you to say happy birthday. Whatever. And then you have friends (or supposed friends) that you may have known ALL your life that just blow you off completely. Nice huh? Don't get me wrong.. other family and friends called, emailed, or sent ecards for which I am very grateful... I love you guys.. :D
So I had some plans to "celebrate" my birthday. That was a mistake. I planned to go to the river to hang out for the weekend.. but that went south.. seems you really should include EVERYONE in plans being made especially when "OTHER" plans have been in place for a while already, tends to throw a wrench in shit. Then changed plans to go to the desert. ANYTHING that could have possibly gone WRONG this past weekend did. Trucks breaking down, Off Road Vehicles needing a tune up (shit it’s been THAT long already!?!) .. so didn't go there either. No ones fault for anything, just that "Shit happens". You know what tho, it's cool.. Me and the kid got a LOT accomplished this weekend, and I am really happy with that.. Cleaned the yard, pulled weeds, cleaned the BBQ (YUK)... Put away Christmas boxes (Finally) and I'll tell ya.. didn't realize I have THAT MUCH space in my house! LOL
Oh and my clothes dryer took a shit. Doesn't get HOT anymore. No, it actually doesn't get any HEAT period. Gotta call someone to come out to check that for me.. take time off work.. Oh goodie. What's new.. something else I have to fork out money I don't have to fix...
And why do people who are in your life (or not anymore for whatever reason i.e. DIVORCE) so annoying?? Why do people want to just make my life so difficult and pissy!?!?! Why can't shit just BE EASY for once!?!?
And while I'm "ranting" today... Don't lend money to ANYONE. Period. "We'll pay you back on Tuesday for some money today". Ya. Right. Stressful. Annoying. Ugh.
Anyhow.. hope ya'll have a real good week.

"I'm not crazy, M'Lynn, I've just been in a bad mood for the last 40 years" Ouiser from Steel Magnolias

Happy Easter..

Hope everyone is doing well. Easter is coming up this weekend.. Nice time for a little getaway. I just got back from Idaho and visiting with my family. Had a great time. There are TWO bars in "town". Oh, and Town consists of about 500 people. You can walk between bars. Not a good thing. LOL So Friday was nice.. saw my brother and brought other family with me. The boys had a blast. Drank a little too much Friday night, but hey.. Birthday weekend!
Saturday, the boys got up and went hunting for a while. I took a much needed nap. Watched it snowing out the window for a couple hours.. Then my pop said he wanted me to see some property in Montana so we went for a little drive to check it out. Looks pretty cool.. I can't believe ALL the outdoorsy stuff there is to do!! River "floatn", hunting, hiking, dirt biking... and it's beautiful. Ok, but I still hate snow. Anyway.. came back from Montana and had shots with my pop, my bro, and cousins. Hung out at the bar for the next hours... One of the cousins bet my bro that he could have him DRUNK by 10pm. He took the bet, and LOST!! My bro was drunk by 9pm and we had to get one of the locals to drive him home. That was sooo worth it! So we continued on until about 1am singing Karaoke and drinking and then headed home.
My folks have 2 Golden Retrievers, who certainly LOVE to cuddle but won't let you move around or anything, so sleep was not fun. Oh, and then there are also 5 cats. Try wakin up with two bog dogs crowding you and opening your eyes to a cat nose. Bleh.
Sunday morning, decided to go for a hike with Pop and look for...... Poop. That's right. Poop. He wanted me to see the differences in the animal poop out in the country. Moose poop, deer poop and prolly otter poop.. ok, kidding there. Actually, it was interesting. There is still a LOT of snow, so while hunting poop, were were stepping and sinking as far as possible into the snow, whilst the two wonderful dogs would pounce and then it was over. I had a blast.
Sunday afternoon, we bbq'd some Chicken that I marinated. We used to bbq a lot when the family lived back here, so it was nice to do. We all had a celebratory beer for the brothers birthday, and then packed up and headed out. Had to stop by the "bars" in town on our way out, since we made so MANY friends out there. THAT was kinda cool. I am looking forward to taking the kid out there in the spring. That should be the PERFECT time of year for me to actually ENJOY and appreciate it. And the Kid is soooo excited too. :) I think the fresh air and lack of smog about killed me tho. I've had laryngitis since last Thursday!!! LOL
I have been spending a lot of time with family lately.. well, family that I have seen here and there over the years, but now as adults, we are appreciating each other more.. That is very nice. We're going to get together this weekend.. Should be fun.
Anyhow, Happy Easter Everyone.. have a safe weekend..

HHmmmmm..

Well.. I haven't really had much to say lately.. things are just kinda rollin along... I seem to have the kid more and more now, which has been kinda nice. I was having such a difficult time when she would be gone with her dad for his weekend.. seems she was gone forever and I would get REALLY bored..
Anyway, I think I'm gonna hit the dirt/desert this weekend, and get some riding in. Then the following weekend, supposed to go up and see the parental figures and Brother for his 30th birthday. I am excited to see them, but I HATE cold weather and they know it.. Blah.
I have some extra people coming out with me for my brother as a surprise.. (a couple more cousins, one is meeting me up there, that he knows about, but not the two that are coming with me).. can't wait to see his expression he's gonna be soooo damn happy.
My pops has a respiratory infection, so I hope he is doing better before I get out there. Seems according to the weather, it is snowing there this week, and the time we are all going out there, supposed to be sunny then rain all week after we leave.. Kinda diggin' that.. Bringin a Ray of sunshine to the depths of .. well you know.. ;)
Nothing else really new.. like I said.. things have been kinda quiet.. OH! Don't know if I mentioned it before/yet, but I found a local liquor store that started carrying FLYING DOG BEER. But, they didn't carry In Heat Wheat. So I asked if they could, and he said sure.. I'll order it today it'll be here Tuesday.. Now, the shelves ALWAYS have my beer for me.. Ah, the simple things in life..

"Happiness is having your favorite ice cold beer, good friends to enjoy it with and some kick ass music" ~ Me.