Anyhoo, with the garage cleaned up, I can get to my BOWFLEX!!!! I am soo happy. I saw an ad with JWOWW (NO, I DO NOT WATCH JERSEY SHORE), modeling some new bikini's. I want to look like that. I've lost the dreaded weight, and kept it off, now I need to "firm it all up". I think once I start using my bowflex about 14 times per week, I will start feeling better about myself. Notice, I didn't say "look" better or anything. How I look depends on what I see, not others. So, as long as I feel good about me, it's all good. RIGHT?
On another note.. nah. Nevermind. :)
Now that it is a few days til Christmas, I can't wait to have Dano open her presents. I got her some things that she really doesn't know she wants. HAHA Once she opens them, she'll be happy. Seeing that HUGE smile on her face is the best present to me ever. For any holiday. Any day of the year. Her dad and his side of the family have taken so much advantage of me, it's not even funny. I am not in a position to fight it. I don't like that. But, AFTER the holidays, I will be better able to. I'm looking forward to that. I know in my heart I can't control everything, but it's hard to accept it. I'm trying. Growing up, I HATED to be alone. Like REALLY. As I've grown into an adult (ok, a cleverly disguised adult.. haha) I cherish the alone times. Having full custody for the last 7 months, and having Dano with me all the time has been absolutely wonderful. It's teaching me so many things as a mother. What I should and shouldn't talk about to her etc.. She's 11 going on 25. It's been like that for years tho. She's much more mature that most kids her age. It is what it is.. I'm still learning too. She's been gone the last two nights. I've had "alone" time. Quite honestly, it sucks. Hhmm maybe, I enjoyed being alone, but I don't like being LONELY. Does that make sense? I KNOW not to base my loneliness or happiness or anything on my child.. that is wrong and I KNOW that.. I'm just so used to her being around is all.. I cleaned last night, like grout in the kitchen tile, took apart the vacuum to get all the hair out of it so it would spin again (we shed SOO much, I don't know how neither of us is bald yet), steam cleaned the floor, changed out tube lighting in the kitchen, steam cleaned the couches etc... so I kept myself busy, then I started to read. "Why men LOVE Bitches" by Sherry Argov. WOW.. Couldn't put it down. Great book. I have been playing the "Nice woman" for WAAAY too long in my life.. I can actually SEE in hindsight what I've been doing wrong for so many years.. Pretty cool actually. Anyway, I've gone on and on about really nothing.. so have a great day.. .:)