So many changes.... Again.

I don't even know where to begin.   Everything, literally EVERYTHING is changing.  She graduated.  High School.  She's leaving for college.  In another state.  Like gone. Away from me. I'm alone again.  I'm back to when I left my house when I was 17 years old, leaving my parents home for the first time, and I'm freaking out.  WHY am I freaking out??  Sure she is, as she should be, she's going to miss her friends, not me, her friends, as it should be of course, but why I am I freaking out?  Yes, I'll miss her. It's been the two of us for the last 15 years, I think growing up together, but this time it's different.  I left home with the world waiting for me. Ready to do some damage or so I thought. Here. I. Come. I was ready.  I've spent the last 18 years pretending to raise a child, and now she's going off to college, and I'm leaving Ca to move to another state because WHY do I need to stay here, there is no one here for me, she's gone, but I'm leaving, to start my life.  My. Life.  And I'm scared. To death.  What the entire hell is wrong with me? I am a grown ass woman for fks sake! I own GUNS, I can take care of myself and yet, I am scared?  Fearful?  Yes. I am. And I think it's normal and maybe even ok.  I've been alone raising her so it has to be normal for me to feel like this, some part of that "empty nest" bullshit or whatever.  Don't get me wrong, I am SO HAPPY for her, she NEEDS this to live her life, and I am happy to finally start my life again.  I already have a house, a job lined up making more money etc.. so it's all good, but living alone.  Again.  That has me a little spooked.  I have my trusty .9mm gun to keep in my room but I think once I move, I might need to pick up a couple more to keep in other places in the house to get a little more access to, "if" the need arises..  you never know living alone, you need to "feel safe"  ;)
I'm glad to finally be able to leave Ca and get out of this tax rich hell hole once and for all, and start a new life.. meet new people (somehow) and force myself to get out and do things.  That one will be tough for me to do, but I need to find a way to do it.  I really want to take a pottery class and a cooking class.. My kid seems to think I am going to die once she's gone since she likes to feed me, and I won't be able to fend for myself.. um hello??  Ever heard of Top Ramen??   HAHA kidding, that shit is nasty.  My mom used to make the best cheese on toast in the broiler, and that was just delish..  
Anyway, I can't wait to move, 2 more weeks.. I have a pool, so I am VERY happy, that'll help with my back, and my dog.. I can't wait to take her to the shelter to meet a new friend to bring home so she has a buddy.. THAT will be a feat in itself.  She hates the world accept me and "sissy" so we'll see how that goes. 
Having my current job (that I will temporarily retire from this week) actually "let me go" along with the entire California plant is such a blessing.  We get so stagnant in our lives, and I am THE WORST with change.  I'd be so content staying right where I am and not leave or move on for years.  But the takeover has forced me to do the opposite.  I HAVE TO LEAVE, along with everyone else. It's sad, bittersweet and a challenge and cleansing to say the least and it couldn't have come at a better time with her going off to college. It's funny how you think "Oh no, NOW what am I going to do, how am I going to get by" etc.. all these thoughts..  I couldn't sit around and do that. I am ONE income.  I had to just DO something, so I literally picked a state, I made plans, but, those plans changed, I picked another state, found a house, put down my deposit, set up all the utilities to be turned on, and started the ball rolling.  Sent out my resume, and within a week, was offered a job. After a couple weeks, that job fell thru, they needed someone sooner.  So I paid to have my resume professionally redone (waste of money, turns out) only to have the original job call me back to offer me the job AGAIN and send me a contract which is now signed, and ready for me to start work.  I know that everything works out somehow, I ALWAYS tell her that, which she doesn't believe until she sees it happen.  I don't always believe it either, I usually have to see it too, to reinforce that I believe it myself.  But I do know, it happens for a reason, even if it's not a good reason.   This time, it just worked out and I couldn't be happier. Even losing my job, I couldn't be happier because it forced me to go move on to something different.  15 years at one place, with no moving up ...  it's time to move "on".  
She's staying in a dorm for the first year, and deathly afraid she won't make friends, which is just ludicrous. She's crazy. Her dorm mates will be her first mates the minute she gets there!!  I know she won't have any problems, but she won't listen to me, then says "I already have my friends here!, I don't need any more friends"..  I tried to explain that you make friends ALL THRU LIFE! Work friends, high school friends, college friends, ALL sorts of friends, but you only KEEP a handful of REAL friends that you'll carry with you for life.  Those ones are the ones you keep with you always.  HOW do you get it thru her head that she DOESN'T know better and that I KNOW EVERYTHING? (no, I really do). If ANYONE has any ideas that I can TELL her to help with this, I'm ALL ears.  Sidenote:  I've already told her *most* college freshmen are just as afraid as she is and just as worried about making friends and this big scary world etc, besides the crazy ones that are all excited to get out of the house and think they are ready for it. Any input is welcomed.
So, time for both of us to move on for our reasons, whatever they may be, to better ourselves even tho I will miss her every single minute of every single day and night until I see her again.  I hope she doesn't delete the Skype app after a week. 

"Everything happens for a reason, but sometimes I wish I knew what that reason was"   ~Unknown

All moved in... Sorta..

So Dano and I are finally moved in for the most part..  I still have some boxes of shit in the garage, I really need to go thru and just donate to clean up some space.  I LOVE the new house.  A lot. :)  It's too big, but I don't care. Dano is OVER THE MOON.  She has a new BFF next door, named Kira (pronounced like Keira as in Knightly) and they are inseparable. She got two puppies (well, 9 months old or so)  Black mouth Cur is the breed... ADORABLE!! Love them.  Well, I love all dogs... (bigger than a terrier tho, I can't stand yippy dogs... )  They are howling at night because they are new to the house.. Well, let me back up a second.. Lilah, my BABY great dane / pit mix is a SCAREDY CAT!  4th of July, she FLIPPED out during fireworks.. she'd never seen them so they scared the shit outta her :(  Well, last night (a week after the holiday) I tried taking Lilah out front again.  NOPE. Dragged my ass back to the front door.. Poor thing, I'll keep trying.  The kids lit off LOUD ass fireworks last night.. FREAKED my baby out, AGAIN.  She ran FLED into the house, THROUGH the screen door, upstairs to MY room, into my closet.  I HATE that she is so afraid... long story short, I worked with her a while, and got her back outside.  Then the two puppies next door started howling.  It sounded soo funny to me, but poor Lilah, has her head cocked to the side, and her ears back (looks like she's in a wind tunnel)... and starts howling at them.  I gave up and took her with me to take a bath and relax... I bathed, she laid in the closet watching me.  
Hhhmmm that got a little off topic!  LOL  Back to Dano.. so she decided last night, she wants to stay home and hang out with the kids today.  I'm all for that, but her dad doesn't think she's old enough to be home alone.  Well, technically it's not home alone.. it's hanging out with friends in the neighborhood... and their Moms are home.  (I'm jealous... I want to be home too!)  As y'all know, Dano tells me everything... So last night she tells me, Mom, the girls want to try to sneak into the movies tomorrow.  Ok, have fun.  I don't have a problem with her doing that, but explained what happens when they get caught, and that it won't turn out well, and that she should try to talk to the girls today before attempting this, to try to sway them.  I don't know if it'll work but she said she'd call me.   What I wouldn't give to be her age again, and have close friends... (I didn't have any, long boring story... ) 
I hope she has fun, learns from her mistakes, and ALWAYS ALWAYS feels that she can tell me anything.. That is my biggest fear, that she will stop... and that I won't know her anymore.. She's growing up sooo fast.  Anyway... Happy Monday :) 

Changes.. Again..

Life is constantly changing.. we all know that.  Mine seem to seriously ebb and flow way more often than it should.  It's like some things I know I can count on to be the same every day, and others seriously throw me for a loop. Anyway, Me and Dano are moving June 30th.  Just easier, and I will have the comfort of knowing she won't have to change schools etc.. Was planning on having a yard sale this weekend. THAT got canned because Dano has an audition for a photoshoot for a new boutique in LA. CROSSING MY FINGERS and praying to everything that she gets it.  First paying gig at 12 years old!  LOL  Shitty thing is that the shoot, if she gets it, IS THE WEEKEND WE MOVE!!  It's 6-8 hours per day sat and sun.  I can't be in two places at the same time.. :(  Not sure how I am going to pull this one off.  I LOVE LOVE LOOOOOOOVE the new house.  It's beautiful!  A bathub FOR ME! Not a jacuzzi one, but still, it's MINE.  Candles, music and a nice glass of... who am I kidding.. a nice can of beer!  Little things people.. little things. ;)  I have a HUGE walk in closet that I could have a party in.  I shit you not.  And the LOFT.. Wow. You could put a wall up between them and have to huge bedrooms!  
Dano graduates from 6th grade this Thursday.  Wow. Weird how some things seem like yesterday, and others.... not so much.  I can't believe it.  She's already as tall as me, and her sleds (feet) are bigger than mine.  She's on track to be 5'10".  WOW.  I'm short compared to that.  BUT, I will still kick her little butt, I don't care how tall she gets.  I think I posted a while back that my 50" Mitsubishi took a shit.  It turned itself off, and won't turn back on.  It "clicks" like it wants to, but nothin.  I am fairly certain it's the power supply.  Got a guy comin today to fix it.  Dano's 42" tv in her room took a shit.  THIS ISN'T GOOD.. I'm moving and everything is dying on me!  Getting rid of her TV because it'll cost me like $400 to fix that one.. not worth it, I'll just get another one.  Wait. No.  The big ass mitsubishi will go in the LOFT where all her gaming stuff is.. she don't need a tv in her room.  There.  Problem solved.  Too bad all my other decisions/problems aren't that easy. 

Things happen...

For a reason. :)  So y'all know I REALLY wanted to move to that house in Eastvale..  They chose to rent to someone else.  I was seriously bummed when I found out.  But I am learning more and more that things REALLY DO happen for a reason.  I don't have to KNOW the reason, or even like it, but they happen.  Turns out, I don't have to move... yet.  Looks like the landlord got the financial mess cleaned up and therefore I get another summer with my pool.  I should say my dogs pool.  Its NOT heated but the dogs will go swimming ANY chance they get... so will Dano actually.  HAHA  It's another "good day"... it's kinda nice having more of these days than shitty ones.  I hate shitty days.  Tonight I decided to start back doing pilates, and trying to work out again.  I hit a plateau on my weight loss, and I noticed that my butt is trying to touch the ground... Gravity sucks.  (Don't ask... that bird just made me smile!!  LOL)

Could it be?? Am I growing up!?

Something strange is goin on lately.. I'm "HAPPY".  Like for consecutive days.  I am staying AHEAD of the game for once.  haha  I smile for NO reason.  Which by the way has been buttloads of fun lately.  I was thinking, when I was growing up, I was in GATE and skipped grades blah blah.  I went to the schools that were local to where I lived.  I did get into a technology program at a high school outside my city which I subsequently BLEW it and was kicked out of the school..   Anyway, that's not my point.  Now that I am being "forced" to move which I see as a blessing in disguise, I am researching the schools local to the city I want to move to, to check it out, see what it's like, read comments from other parents etc.  Can it be that I am growing up!? I am looking to move, but I have to make sure that the schools (Jr High, and High School) that Dano will be attending are "Distinguished" schools, or rank pretty high up there.  I am actually basing, for the first time in my life, where I am going to move to strictly based on Dano.  Not any of my selfish wishes. Don't get me wrong, I do almost EVERYTHING for Dano, school projects, all the crap she wants etc..  It IS really, just LUCK that all the retail places I like, and the drive thru $tarbuck$, and the market and all that just "happen" to be walking distance, just like the schools... ;) Yay for me.  I know I'm a parent, and that I just turned 39 but THIS specific event in my life I don't feel like a 20 something like usual.  I actually feel kind of "responsible" I think.  Can't do TOO much of that, I'll start acting "old", but this is pretty cool.  I think we're going to go this weekend to the swap meet and get her the "beach cruiser" she really wants to ride to school.  It is like 1.3 miles, so she has to have a cool bike.  She wants purple.  I said sure, with a bike "bling bling" bell on it, and a basket with big purple flames, and flames on the bike frame, and some other cool stuff..  Right?  LOL

So happy I could spit..

I spend so much time trying to be optimistic for others.  Cheer everyone else up.. "It's going to be ok"  "Trust me, It will all work out"  "Tomorrow is another day" etc blah blah..  Rather than go on about more drivel, I'll get right to it.  I just learned that my landlord at the house I am currently renting for the last 2 1/2 years, decided to let the house go into foreclosure.  BUZZKILL!  Love my house.  Well, THE house.  Rather than typically freaking out and wondering "What's going to happen to me!?!?".. I went another route altogether.  It's funny.. when I realized that eventually I will have to move, I started picking the house apart.  "Those cracks in the concrete will cost a fortune to fix.  The coping is coming away from the pool wall, THAT will cost a grip of cash.  This 70's linoleum is just hideous".. you know, things like that.  haha  LOVE having a pool.  But the more I think about it, the cost of the water I had to put in the pool, the cost of electricity of running the pump every night etc...  I think I am ok with NOT having a pool.  What are friends for?!  haha  So, I changed my selfish thinking.  I need to move to a home that is ideally located close to the Jr High school and the High school so Dano can walk to school.  Saving money on the water and the electric, AND saving daycare costs... will allow me to move into a "nicer" home.  I think it's time for that.  Dano's "Dad" has made things very shitty to say the least.  Back to talking thru his lawyer.   Whatever. My point is, regardless of all this... It is a GOOD THING!  It's time for a change.  A new start.  If you follow my blog, you know I've made some changes in the past year, and this will be the icing on the cake.  I found a house last night on line, and contacted the "agent" to set up a time to see the house.  Turns out he's the homeowner, NOT the agent.  I like that a LOT.  It's almost impossible to deal with "leasing agents" or whatever, to try to get ANYTHING fixed in the house.  I'm a I'll fix it with your approval, and take it off the rent... repair and deduct kind of girl.   Anyway, I've bored you enough.  Life is throwing me a bunch of shit, but it's "OK"... I can handle it.  I always have.  Might post more later, after I see the house.  Me and Dano are gonna be just fine, and we BOTH can't stop smiling today... ;)    Happy Friday and Happy Easter. 

another year..

Another year has come and gone.  This is the last of my 30's.. Makes me a little sad.  Dano and I went to lunch yesterday (Yes, I kept her out of school.  It's good to play hooky once in a while no?) and had a really fun day together.  Amazing that, this child that I created, has such different tastes than I do!! HA!  We went to Buffalo Wild Wings, which we both love, (THANK GOODNESS!) and she learned more on how to play poker with that table game thingy... I know, Mom of the year right?  haha  Anyway, after that she decided she wanted to get a DRESS for her Star award banquet this coming Friday.  Each year for state testing she's always scored almost the top of the class, last year was no exception.  She's getting another Gold Medal.  :)  I am very proud of her.  Now, back to the "taste" in clothing thing... hhmmm, where do I even start?  Things I picked out thinking, "kinda plain, simple, she's not really into dresses so these should be safe"... she turns around and picks out PROM dresses!  WTH!?!  Like with FLOWERS and lace and ruffles and "poofy" bottoms...  I. Don't. Get. It.  WHO is this kid?!  Long story short, WE decided on a black dress, thicker "lace" strap thingys which are a bit wider than the two finger width requirement, and a "shrug".  WHAT is that anyway?  Oh, Newsflash.  I don't WEAR dresses.  Or "shrugs", whatever they are.  She did look beautiful when she was trying them all on.  THAT was actually fun.  OH! WHAT 12 year old (barely) girl wears a 9 1/2 shoe!!? Good grief, I am having issues.. HAHA  Her feet are bigger than mine, her poor chest is bigger than mine EVER was at any age near 12 (I was a late bloomer, flat chested til almost 14) I can't stop smiling right now.  As frustrating as my 12 year old is, she is SUCH a blast.  I can honestly say I know I wasn't anything like her at 12.  I was more reserved, took care of my younger siblings, played "Mom" for years... so it's hard for me to figure out WHO this kid is that I am trying to raise.  Quite honestly, so far so good.  I may be right, or wrong, who knows, but she is my very best friend in the world.  I am her mother first, but man, when I don't have to be "Mom", we have such a great time together.  I am trying to cherish every minute of this, because I fear like all mothers do, that she'll hit the magical age where she will hate me.  She will stop telling me everything.  I will be the "enemy".  I can't bear that thought yet.  We've discussed that, we'll I've brought it up to her, and then she cries and tells me she will NEVER ever hate me, and that she wants to be with me forever..  I know, a 12 year old talking...  I just want life to slow down a little bit, and keep my little girl little, as long as I can....   Happy Birthday to me.  :)

This was the day before her 3rd Birthday at Disneyland 9 years ago... Just the two of us.. THAT was a great Birthday... :) 

It's all good..

I've finally given up.  Not in a bad way.  Just given up trying to control or change anything.  It seems I'm less stressed just letting things just "be".  I can't change anyone else, well besides Dano, and that is slowly becoming increasingly more difficult.  I can control me.  I can change me.  That's it.  And it's ok.  It's a good thing.  Now, the other part of that is ACCEPTING it.  I'm getting there.  REALLY slowly.  haha.  I accept that I can't change people, but it really is hard to accept that I still WANT to.  Ya know?  Dano's Dad for instance.  I can't change him and how he treats or acts with her.  I can make suggestions, but I can't "CHANGE" any of it.  I still WANT to tho.  Because I am her mother, and we are VERY close, much closer than they have been in years,  I WANT to change how he is.  Not to be mean, or ruin their relationship, but to help it.  Help him understand her, and make it easier maybe?  I mean, come on, she's 12.  And getting to "that" point that her hormones are going to make him inSANE.  He thought I was bad.  HA!  Buddy, you got another thing comin.  I can deal with her and her mood swings, even her FRIENDS (bestie, whatever they are called).  I am the "go to" Mom in answering her friends questions about "girl stuff".  It's all good.  I'm learning what I need to sugar coat, and what I don't.  I like it.  I don't talk to my own mother for reasons  besides that we just don't get along, but all my friends went to her.  Not for this stuff per se` but a lot of them called my mom "Mom".  I don't get that now, nor do I want it, but I AM "DanosMom" and have been since she started school.  I like that tho.  "DanosMom".. sounds pretty cool to me.  Anyway, today is a good day.  No negativity.  I can do my best to change Dano in positive ways, and help her to become a proper young lady... but that's about it.  And it's ok.  :)

New Recipe to try!!!

grapes wrapped in goat cheese

Ingredients
- 1 package red grapes
- 1 lb. goat cheese (if you don't like goat cheese, you could use a milder soft cheese)
- large handful of walnuts

Directions
Wash the grapes and dry thoroughly.  Gently mold goat cheese around individual grapes, carefully covering the entire grape.  I used the entire package of cheese, and then munched on the leftover grapes.  Chop walnuts, then roll cheese-covered grapes in walnuts (you may want to gently press the walnuts into the cheese for extra coverage).  Chill before serving.  Then place on a thrifted plate, and voila, you're done! 

THIS SOUNDS DIVINE!!! Must try this weekend.. ;) 

Back on the.. Back in the..

back in the saddle.. back on the bike.. whatever it's called... I'm BACK BITCHES!!  It's a great day today.. after taking some time off for personal reasons, I am back full steam ahead to get my business OFF THE GROUND!!  www.ieskinnywrap.com is here to stay!  I have 3 parties coming up starting TONIGHT!  I am soo excited to get back to helping people achieve their goals for better health, weight loss, whatever their desire.  Being in the position to do so, is such an amazing feeling.  Y'all already know I've lost 30+ lbs doing this system.  I've plateau'd lately (aka been lazy and don't care about anything) and based on the new "Ultimate Makeover" and protein shakes and wraps etc, I am DETERMINED to lose another 15-20 lbs. Check out the video and see for yourself!!  Go to www.ieskinnywrap.com and click on ULTIMATE MAKEOVER.. and hit play!  :)   I never thought I'd lose the 30 I already did, considering I refused to give up my beer, and I hate to "work out". But, it REALLY REALLY works.. So, with a little desire, I can do it again.  Once I lose that, and maintain, I will be sooo ready for summer, and back into a teenie weenie yellow polka dot bikini!  
Tonight's party will be awesome, a couple of the gals have already been to a wrap party, so they got a LOT of their friends together.. $ CHA CHING!$  Then, I partnered up with an upscale salon here, to do a "Valentine's Day" slim down, get purty package... Do a wrap and get your hair did to fit into that little black dress and look super hot for Valentine's Day..  Lot's of girls already have appointments for that too!  (About 18 so far!)  Then off to Los Angeles for another shin dig.  I am praying/crossing fingers whatever it takes to FINALLY get to a point where I can QUIT MY DAY JOB!!  Before I took a break I was making pretty decent money and I know if I had stuck with it, I could have quit by now..  Live and Learn.  
Weight loss, tightened skin, healthy from the inside.. BEST way to start the year for me.  Hopefully, change enough lives, that I can do this FULL time and be SUPERMOM for Dano..  Soo excited.. What a GREAT DAY!   Love to all of you!


You too can make these changes!! :) 

New Beginnings..

I hope to have A LOT of new beginnings this year.. I changed my name.. that was HUGE and a big GOOD change.. :)  On Jan 1st I went out and bought me and the kid a new car.  "Bessie", my 04 Tahoe was at 99,991 and I feared wouldn't last much longer.. so this year, we are starting out with a new car.  It's a car we can afford, and with the gas I was putting in the 11mpg tahoe, it pays for the car.  :)  VERY happy about that... Actually, I'll be SAVING $$!  We deserve it.  She thinks the shadow of it looks like "Shrek".. so we named the car "Fiona".. Fi for short, since it IS a girl car.. ;)   The house we are renting, the owners LOVE us so much, they asked if we wanted to BUY the house!  I love everything about it.  More yard than house.. I spend more time outside anyway.  A pool..  3 br 2 bath.. it's just perfect.  I think in a few months I will look into doing that.  Having full custody of Dano now for going on 8 months has been awesome.. we are going to do so much together this year.. little road trips and just being together.  Hopefully my job will go back to full time in the first qtr, but in the meantime, I am going to start doing everything I can to get my business www.ieskinnywrap.com up to where it should be.  I really would like to quit my job and do my business full time, helping others to become the healthy person they want to be. :)  Anyway, I am happy, and content right now. Sure, I could win the lotto and be SUPER happy, but I keep playing.. HAHA  Anyway, I hope ALL of you have many new and exciting beginnings this year as well.  Together we can make it happen.  
Cheers n beers y'all!

Something new~ish..

Lots to update on..  After 1 1/2 years of doing itworks (see link to the right for www.ieskinnywrap.com) I have gone from a high of 175 lbs down now to about 145 lbs.  I have fluctuated a little.. but that is normal I think.  That said, having a broken back and leg (October 2008) it's been very difficult for me to "exercise".  I was (very past tense) doing some hiking in the hills by the house, but during the summer, it was 100+ degrees, so I stopped.  NOW is the perfect time to put my shape ups back on and hit the dirt.  I did actually clean up my garage.  FINALLY.  HOW on earth it gets as cramped as it does, I have no idea.  
Anyhoo, with the garage cleaned up, I can get to my BOWFLEX!!!!  I am soo happy.  I saw an ad with JWOWW (NO, I DO NOT WATCH JERSEY SHORE), modeling some new bikini's.  I want to look like that.  I've lost the dreaded weight, and kept it off, now I need to "firm it all up".  I think once I start using my bowflex about 14 times per week, I will start feeling better about myself.  Notice, I didn't say "look" better or anything. How I look depends on what I see, not others.  So, as long as I feel good about me, it's all good.  RIGHT? 
On another note.. nah.  Nevermind. :)  
Now that it is a few days til Christmas, I can't wait to have Dano open her presents. I got her some things that she really doesn't know she wants.  HAHA  Once she opens them, she'll be happy.  Seeing that HUGE smile on her face is the best present to me ever.  For any holiday. Any day of the year.   Her dad and his side of the family have taken so much advantage of me, it's not even funny.  I am not in a position to fight it.  I don't like that.  But, AFTER the holidays, I will be better able to.  I'm looking forward to that.  I know in my heart I can't control everything, but it's hard to accept it.  I'm trying.  Growing up, I HATED to be alone.  Like REALLY.  As I've grown into an adult (ok, a cleverly disguised adult.. haha) I cherish the alone times.  Having full custody for the last 7 months, and having Dano with me all the time has been absolutely wonderful.  It's teaching me so many things as a mother.  What I should and shouldn't talk about to her etc..  She's 11 going on 25.  It's been like that for years tho.  She's much more mature that most kids her age.  It is what it is.. I'm still learning too.  She's been gone the last two nights.  I've had "alone" time.  Quite honestly, it sucks.  Hhmm maybe, I enjoyed being alone, but I don't like being LONELY.  Does that make sense?  I KNOW not to base my loneliness or happiness or anything on my child.. that is wrong and I KNOW that.. I'm just so used to her being around is all.. I cleaned last night, like grout in the kitchen tile, took apart the vacuum to get all the hair out of it so it would spin again (we shed SOO much, I don't know how neither of us is bald yet),  steam cleaned the floor, changed out tube lighting in the kitchen, steam cleaned the couches etc... so I kept myself busy, then I started to read.  "Why men LOVE Bitches" by Sherry Argov.  WOW.. Couldn't put it down.  Great book. I have been playing the "Nice woman" for WAAAY too long in my life.. I can actually SEE in hindsight what I've been doing wrong for so many years.. Pretty cool actually.  Anyway, I've gone on and on about really nothing.. so have a great day.. .:) 

It's all ok..

I have been doing a lot of thinking, and I am ok. Yea, I get pissed and hurt and all that crap, but it's human nature.. You have choices.. Accept shit, Deal with shit, or drop shit and just MOVE ON already. So, I have had time to think about this crap, and I am at the point now where I really DON'T care. :D I am GOOD. Things are still crappy financially, and it's difficult to be a single mom, but I am OK. Would I be happier if I had a lot of money? Sure, who wouldn't? Am I greedy about it? Nope.. Would I change things that I screwed up? Of course.. but not a lot of them. You are the person you are because of experiences. You learn from them (well, you are supposed to.. ). You grow. Regret isn't a good thing. Learn from mistakes, even OTHER peoples mistakes. I am really trying to. I have said it before, I want to be a good person. I don't want to judge others. I want people to see me, and think positively about me. I want my kid to think that I am the best person in the world. Ok, that might be a stretch, but so far so good.. she does think that I rock. Maybe I should start trying to believe that too.

To the world you may be just one person,
who's name never finds its fame,
The world may never discover your worth
for some it's just a game.

To the world you may only be a number,
trying to feed you a lie,
The world may never care what makes
you cry.

At times the world may lay on your
shoulder, when life gets you down,
You want to smile and keep on
giving your all, but you frown.

To the world you may be one person
who will never rise to fame,
But to me you mean the world and
your smile still drives me insane.

Author Unknown

"To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world."
-Author Unknown.

Life..

Ok, now back to the regularly scheduled (ha!) blogging.. :D
Anyway, so the last few weeks have been a little hectic. I went to the "parent/teacher" conference at school. Turns out my kid is pretty dang smart, just really BORED. Ok, not too bad. Maybe.
So.. we are working on this "talking" problem she has. Seems so far, it's been working. She hasn't "pulled a card" or been busted for talking or getting up. We'll see how long that lasts..
My brother got out of jail, (that was fun! NOT) and he has been shipped off to Idaho to go live with the Folks. Good times. :D Really tho, I'm glad for him. I am happy it's all over, that he's out of jail (I don't have to go every week for visitation).. and even that he is living in another state. BUT, I miss him already. We got to talk for a couple hours before I had to leave for work, and it reminded me how similar and how damn funny we are!! It's all good.
I just got back from working in Atlanta... decided that is yet another state I do not want to live in. :D
I like Hot. Hot is good.. HUMID, HOT AND STICKY.. Not good. :( Glad to be back home tho. Really. And the time difference is a total mess... I just get back to a little bit of normal and we get to change the time again this weekend... OY!
Riding / Camping season is upon us.. The BEST time of year to hang out with my kid and just relax and enjoy life.. I for one will be enjoying as many weekends as possible out in the "DIRT" with her and appreciating the desert... I mean really.. is there anything better?

"Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of."
Benjamin Franklin

Fate..

So who believes in Fate and all that happens is for some reason or another? Yea, me neither. I mean, once I did. I really did. But the more I think about it, it seems a complete waste to leave everything up to "chance" really. If I want something to happen in my life, I have to Make it happen. Not leave it up to "fate" or "chance" or whoever to do it for me. I mean, where would that lead me? If I had done that, let's just say, I wouldn't be the happiest person. Who knows how things would be at this point.. it didn't happen, so Oh Well right?
I guess some things happen for a reason to some degree. Subtely of course. Like the guy who lost his job and was just about broke but because he put his resume out there to every single company he could find, he got a job offer. Things are going well for him now. But did he make that happen with hard work and diligence or did it all happen for a reason to perhaps teach him the lesson that job security doesn't exist and you better have something to fall back on if you ever do get let go?
I still don't know. Maybe a little of both. I would like to think that. I like to try to learn something from all experiences that I've had. You have some bad ones, and you learn from them and swear not to repeat it, but then "fate"(?) steps in and there you are all over again. Is it fate that brought you there? Or your own doing because it's just something you wanted to do again? And what about regret? Do you regret anything? Ok, I'll leave that for another post another day....

"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves."
William Shakespeare