Well.. Here we go again. She didn't go to college. She didn't have a dorm room to set up. She didn't leave home to go to school. I on the other hand, left the damn near most expensive state in the country, (Cali) and started over. I am very glad I did. She came with me for less than 2 weeks to help me get situated. Then, she went to Hawaii to spend time with her Dad before College started. She went paddle boarding, fishing, and hiking.. She had a blast.
I unpacked, and got ready to start a new job. Sounds about normal. ish.
Then she said she wanted to leave Hawaii after 2 months, and come back "home". I thought she meant MY home. So I got her a ticket back to Cali, she was going to get her car and head to me. Ya, that isn't the happy ending I was looking for. She decided she isn't going to college. Nope, it's not "my thing" she said. Full ride. Paid for. And she turned it down. She stayed in California for almost a year, living with different friends from high school. She worked to have her own money.. she was happy. I thought.
THEN came the news. I want to join the Air Force. Ok, that's fine. She could learn something during her time there. 1/2 way thru that process, she changed her mind to join the Navy instead. She went thru about 3 months of meetings, and all kinds of stuff. She went to boot camp (in Illinois) on the day that would have been my mom's 65th birthday. Long story short, she scored very high on the entrance test (ASVAB) that she is now in Nuke School. It's better than nothing, and she's happy to have made her OWN decision. Not what Grama wanted, not what Mom or Dad wanted, HER decision. And she couldn't be happier. It is tough she said, schooling.. but she wants to be in the belly of a submarine for her "job." I'm still on the fence about that.
I however, had the job I moved for. Then, they ran out of work. I got another job, and had more than one boss, and I could never finish anything because the other boss gave me more work. That didn't work out.
At All. So, I quit and decided to start working for myself.
I have a few companies that I'm working on, that I should start seeing dividends beginning of 2020. I'm happy. I get to spend time with my dad for 6 months of the year (when it snows 6 feet at his house he comes down here).
Life is good. ish.
"If life were predictable it would cease to be life, and be without flavor." -Eleanor Roosevelt
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Thursday, November 7, 2019
Tuesday, September 26, 2017
it's been 10 years...
It's been 10 years now. 10 long years since I started this thing. And stopped. Then started again. And stopped again, and you get the picture. I'm supposed to be committed to it. And I am. Kind of. I look back at 10 years of posts, before I mentioned anybody by name, and spoke a lot about "the kid".. Looking back and reading all the old posts.. I had a lot of insight. I feel like I've become so jaded. It's a little sad. And depressing. Is it because of where I work? Friends? People no longer friends? Why is that? I think over time, it just happens to everyone eventually. So much has changed over the past 10 years. Shit, so much has changed in the past year, hell even in the past 6 months! I am AMAZED, dumbfounded even at how much things constantly change.
To name a few, I am back in touch with one of my closest friends, because I found out from one of the kids, that she might have brain cancer. REALLY?! Cancer? Long story short, it turns out to be a tumor that can't be removed. We are too young for this sort of shit! Brain tumors.. no. Not to people we know. During the process of this, in talking to my brother, things seemed "off". Off in a way you kind of know in your gut something is wrong. Since he is really the only person in my family I "talk to" on the regular, I did some "googling" like everyone says to do, and I found an obituary.. Of my Mother's passing. So there's that. Granted, I didn't talk to her much but to find that on the internet, is difficult, so I found the strength to call my dad, and finally after a few days got a hold of him and found out the details of her passing (4 days shy of her 64th birthday). Another Brain thing, aneurysm. It was rather quick and for that I am so grateful, I'd hate to have heard she suffered as she had during her life. Anyway, I also found out my brother married, four days later, ON my mother's Birthday, which He told me about, however, he FAILED to mention her passing..(I didn't know of her passing when he told me he had married, I found out after he told me of his marriage et al, that's where things seemed "off" and I found the obit) Ok, so that placed a rather large wedge between us, and I immediately ceased speaking to him for a few months. Not sure why he felt that necessity, but that's on him and I'll never find out why because I'll never ask. (As of this posting today, we are speaking (read: Texting again) He received 50/50 custody of his now 3 or 4 year old son last month, which is fantastic, and I'm very happy for him, and I also just found out that his new wife is wait for it.... Pregnant. Between them, they'll have 5 kids. Congratulations.
So... on my home front... let's see... I'm still working (part time right now (furlough time) it is what it is, I kinda like that day off even if it is unpaid, it's not too bad.. and studying to take on another job, because let's face it.. in this economy who's not out there trying to get a second or third job nowadays! Especially in a ONE income household.. The kid got her first job, I am so proud of her!! She's learning how to deal with bosses and that you can't talk back to them like you can to "mom" and that it sucks. However, one of her bosses called her "a 1/3 of a person" the other day and I about blew a gasket. She said she was ok, and I told her "Oh Hell No you are NOT ok, that is NOT ok, and bosses are NOT to condescend you like that, and should be reprimanded!" So she did speak to another boss, and did get that taken care of, thankfully. She is learning "office politics" and oh she does not like it but she's learning to handle it. It's fun to listen to.
She's a senior this year, and getting ready to apply to college. I can't believe she's going to LEAVE me. For reals. LEAVE. As in and entirely different STATE. But, she'll be closer to grandparents so she's ok with it. Uh, what am I? Chopped liver?! Thanks a lot!
She's driving now.. She has a Honda Accord (Used) that she just loves.. we've had to replace some parts, and spend some of her "paychecks" that she's not too thrilled with, but I explained, "That, my dear, is LIFE". We have things that break, we have to spend our money. Of course I helped her to pay for it, but I won't be around forever, when she's off to college, so we are working on a budget now, to save save save! She doesn't like having only $20 a week to "waste".. she'll learn. I just want to teach her EVERY possible thing I can before she leaves for college. It's not like I haven't had 17 years to do it, I feel like I have to cram so much into such little time. I've tried to be hero, all these years, I want to be HER hero, but she's got this I think? Does she? Will she? I know she'll call me every day, but she won't "need to" I think it'll be more for me, maybe equally for her, I don't know. She's stronger than she thinks. She wrote a paper for school and said I was her Hero. But I don't know, I don't think so anymore. I think she's becoming such a strong young woman, she just doesn't see it yet. She will, soon enough. Right?
Anyway that is just in the last 4.5 months. Like I said, so much has changed. I can't even remember a year back. So we'll just leave it at that. Oh and I am talking to my dad more and I couldn't be happier, he is MY hero after all.
“Maybe I’m not the hero to her I've always tried so hard to be, because right now, I feel as if she doesn't even need a hero. Why would she? She has someone so much stronger than I’ll ever be for her. She has herself.”
― Colleen Hoover, Maybe Someday
To name a few, I am back in touch with one of my closest friends, because I found out from one of the kids, that she might have brain cancer. REALLY?! Cancer? Long story short, it turns out to be a tumor that can't be removed. We are too young for this sort of shit! Brain tumors.. no. Not to people we know. During the process of this, in talking to my brother, things seemed "off". Off in a way you kind of know in your gut something is wrong. Since he is really the only person in my family I "talk to" on the regular, I did some "googling" like everyone says to do, and I found an obituary.. Of my Mother's passing. So there's that. Granted, I didn't talk to her much but to find that on the internet, is difficult, so I found the strength to call my dad, and finally after a few days got a hold of him and found out the details of her passing (4 days shy of her 64th birthday). Another Brain thing, aneurysm. It was rather quick and for that I am so grateful, I'd hate to have heard she suffered as she had during her life. Anyway, I also found out my brother married, four days later, ON my mother's Birthday, which He told me about, however, he FAILED to mention her passing..(I didn't know of her passing when he told me he had married, I found out after he told me of his marriage et al, that's where things seemed "off" and I found the obit) Ok, so that placed a rather large wedge between us, and I immediately ceased speaking to him for a few months. Not sure why he felt that necessity, but that's on him and I'll never find out why because I'll never ask. (As of this posting today, we are speaking (read: Texting again) He received 50/50 custody of his now 3 or 4 year old son last month, which is fantastic, and I'm very happy for him, and I also just found out that his new wife is wait for it.... Pregnant. Between them, they'll have 5 kids. Congratulations.
So... on my home front... let's see... I'm still working (part time right now (furlough time) it is what it is, I kinda like that day off even if it is unpaid, it's not too bad.. and studying to take on another job, because let's face it.. in this economy who's not out there trying to get a second or third job nowadays! Especially in a ONE income household.. The kid got her first job, I am so proud of her!! She's learning how to deal with bosses and that you can't talk back to them like you can to "mom" and that it sucks. However, one of her bosses called her "a 1/3 of a person" the other day and I about blew a gasket. She said she was ok, and I told her "Oh Hell No you are NOT ok, that is NOT ok, and bosses are NOT to condescend you like that, and should be reprimanded!" So she did speak to another boss, and did get that taken care of, thankfully. She is learning "office politics" and oh she does not like it but she's learning to handle it. It's fun to listen to.
She's a senior this year, and getting ready to apply to college. I can't believe she's going to LEAVE me. For reals. LEAVE. As in and entirely different STATE. But, she'll be closer to grandparents so she's ok with it. Uh, what am I? Chopped liver?! Thanks a lot!
She's driving now.. She has a Honda Accord (Used) that she just loves.. we've had to replace some parts, and spend some of her "paychecks" that she's not too thrilled with, but I explained, "That, my dear, is LIFE". We have things that break, we have to spend our money. Of course I helped her to pay for it, but I won't be around forever, when she's off to college, so we are working on a budget now, to save save save! She doesn't like having only $20 a week to "waste".. she'll learn. I just want to teach her EVERY possible thing I can before she leaves for college. It's not like I haven't had 17 years to do it, I feel like I have to cram so much into such little time. I've tried to be hero, all these years, I want to be HER hero, but she's got this I think? Does she? Will she? I know she'll call me every day, but she won't "need to" I think it'll be more for me, maybe equally for her, I don't know. She's stronger than she thinks. She wrote a paper for school and said I was her Hero. But I don't know, I don't think so anymore. I think she's becoming such a strong young woman, she just doesn't see it yet. She will, soon enough. Right?
Anyway that is just in the last 4.5 months. Like I said, so much has changed. I can't even remember a year back. So we'll just leave it at that. Oh and I am talking to my dad more and I couldn't be happier, he is MY hero after all.
“Maybe I’m not the hero to her I've always tried so hard to be, because right now, I feel as if she doesn't even need a hero. Why would she? She has someone so much stronger than I’ll ever be for her. She has herself.”
― Colleen Hoover, Maybe Someday
Monday, November 26, 2007
Holidays are comin....
Sorry, but that just SUCKS. I mean, the day after Halloween, they start with the Christmas music. I remember (not too long ago I thought) when Christmas music didn't start until the day after Thanksgiving... what happened?!?! In a couple years, they'll start the "CHRISTMAS SEASON" on July 5th. Blech.
Well, after spending MANY years with a multitude of family and them slowly dying or moving away, Christmas became rather Blah. Then came the kid. And of course, as she gets older, Christmas is becoming a little more fun I guess. Just seeing her light up putting up decorations is just great. I decided when the kid was born that I wasn't going to do the whole red/green Christmas colors anymore.. Too many memories from Me being a kid.. I like Blue. So I changed Christmas at my house to Blue, White and Silver. (Not for any religions reasons, I just like it). And so does she. So tonight, I think after school me and the kid are going to start the Christmas festivities and begin decorating. That really sets it off for me.. Seeing her get so excited about it all. Kinda nice for me too tho, I let her decorate how ever she wants. So she is rather proud of herself for a great job, and I get to see all her hard work and that big huge smile on her face...
So, the holidays are coming, and ok, I'm getting a little better with it all.. I'll let ya know how the decorating goes...
Well, after spending MANY years with a multitude of family and them slowly dying or moving away, Christmas became rather Blah. Then came the kid. And of course, as she gets older, Christmas is becoming a little more fun I guess. Just seeing her light up putting up decorations is just great. I decided when the kid was born that I wasn't going to do the whole red/green Christmas colors anymore.. Too many memories from Me being a kid.. I like Blue. So I changed Christmas at my house to Blue, White and Silver. (Not for any religions reasons, I just like it). And so does she. So tonight, I think after school me and the kid are going to start the Christmas festivities and begin decorating. That really sets it off for me.. Seeing her get so excited about it all. Kinda nice for me too tho, I let her decorate how ever she wants. So she is rather proud of herself for a great job, and I get to see all her hard work and that big huge smile on her face...
So, the holidays are coming, and ok, I'm getting a little better with it all.. I'll let ya know how the decorating goes...
"Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family:
Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one." Jane Howard
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
People in general..
Ok, so I couldn't wait til tomorrow.. Had to get it out now..
I know for most people, human nature is to help others.. Yes, I said MOST people. I am the type of person that will give you the shirt off my back. And... with no problems.. I rarely, if ever, expect anything in return. Sometimes, it would be nice if ever I needed help from someone, it would be returned, but hey.. not always the case. I don't expect it from everyone, but it would be so great for ONE person, just one, to come to my rescue.. ever. So like I said, I am always trying to help someone.. whether family or friends.. even friends of friends I may not even know very well.
Here is my dilemma. How many times does it take to help someone that keeps on shitting on you that you say enough is enough? How many times do you touch the flame before you finally figure out that it's HOT? How many times can you kick a dog before it turns on you and bites you? For me, it's obviously TOO MANY. I'm tired. I am really tired of going out of my way for what? Nothing. Nada. Zilch.
Now, that's not to say that I won't forget how hot that flame is and go back again.. Been there, Done that. But come on.. it would be so nice for someone to ask me "Hey, can I help YOU with that? (or anything for that matter).. " Don't get me wrong.. I'm not feeling sorry for myself.. or anything like that.. Because I really don't feel sorry for myself. Sometimes, it just SUCKS is all... Does this make me selfish now? I mean, it is a rare day that I am completely selfish and just do for me, but aren't we supposed to do that on occasion?? I'm just venting I guess about how some people just aren't the "giving" type. And then there are those people like me. Hopefully there are some left.
"Who are we to be better or less than another? We are all equal and should be treated as such."
Me
I know for most people, human nature is to help others.. Yes, I said MOST people. I am the type of person that will give you the shirt off my back. And... with no problems.. I rarely, if ever, expect anything in return. Sometimes, it would be nice if ever I needed help from someone, it would be returned, but hey.. not always the case. I don't expect it from everyone, but it would be so great for ONE person, just one, to come to my rescue.. ever. So like I said, I am always trying to help someone.. whether family or friends.. even friends of friends I may not even know very well.
Here is my dilemma. How many times does it take to help someone that keeps on shitting on you that you say enough is enough? How many times do you touch the flame before you finally figure out that it's HOT? How many times can you kick a dog before it turns on you and bites you? For me, it's obviously TOO MANY. I'm tired. I am really tired of going out of my way for what? Nothing. Nada. Zilch.
Now, that's not to say that I won't forget how hot that flame is and go back again.. Been there, Done that. But come on.. it would be so nice for someone to ask me "Hey, can I help YOU with that? (or anything for that matter).. " Don't get me wrong.. I'm not feeling sorry for myself.. or anything like that.. Because I really don't feel sorry for myself. Sometimes, it just SUCKS is all... Does this make me selfish now? I mean, it is a rare day that I am completely selfish and just do for me, but aren't we supposed to do that on occasion?? I'm just venting I guess about how some people just aren't the "giving" type. And then there are those people like me. Hopefully there are some left.
"Who are we to be better or less than another? We are all equal and should be treated as such."
Me
PISSED..
Ok, So I am BEYOND pissed at damn near everyone in my life right now... NO.. Not everyone.. but after I cool down, and regain some idea of composure so as not to say things I probably shouldn't, I shall enlighten you all tomorrow with the wonderful workings of my "GREAT" family and friends... Ya.. Beer flew outta my nose too..
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Life..
Ok, now back to the regularly scheduled (ha!) blogging.. :D
Anyway, so the last few weeks have been a little hectic. I went to the "parent/teacher" conference at school. Turns out my kid is pretty dang smart, just really BORED. Ok, not too bad. Maybe.
So.. we are working on this "talking" problem she has. Seems so far, it's been working. She hasn't "pulled a card" or been busted for talking or getting up. We'll see how long that lasts..
My brother got out of jail, (that was fun! NOT) and he has been shipped off to Idaho to go live with the Folks. Good times. :D Really tho, I'm glad for him. I am happy it's all over, that he's out of jail (I don't have to go every week for visitation).. and even that he is living in another state. BUT, I miss him already. We got to talk for a couple hours before I had to leave for work, and it reminded me how similar and how damn funny we are!! It's all good.
I just got back from working in Atlanta... decided that is yet another state I do not want to live in. :D
I like Hot. Hot is good.. HUMID, HOT AND STICKY.. Not good. :( Glad to be back home tho. Really. And the time difference is a total mess... I just get back to a little bit of normal and we get to change the time again this weekend... OY!
Riding / Camping season is upon us.. The BEST time of year to hang out with my kid and just relax and enjoy life.. I for one will be enjoying as many weekends as possible out in the "DIRT" with her and appreciating the desert... I mean really.. is there anything better?
"Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of."
Benjamin Franklin
Anyway, so the last few weeks have been a little hectic. I went to the "parent/teacher" conference at school. Turns out my kid is pretty dang smart, just really BORED. Ok, not too bad. Maybe.
So.. we are working on this "talking" problem she has. Seems so far, it's been working. She hasn't "pulled a card" or been busted for talking or getting up. We'll see how long that lasts..
My brother got out of jail, (that was fun! NOT) and he has been shipped off to Idaho to go live with the Folks. Good times. :D Really tho, I'm glad for him. I am happy it's all over, that he's out of jail (I don't have to go every week for visitation).. and even that he is living in another state. BUT, I miss him already. We got to talk for a couple hours before I had to leave for work, and it reminded me how similar and how damn funny we are!! It's all good.
I just got back from working in Atlanta... decided that is yet another state I do not want to live in. :D
I like Hot. Hot is good.. HUMID, HOT AND STICKY.. Not good. :( Glad to be back home tho. Really. And the time difference is a total mess... I just get back to a little bit of normal and we get to change the time again this weekend... OY!
Riding / Camping season is upon us.. The BEST time of year to hang out with my kid and just relax and enjoy life.. I for one will be enjoying as many weekends as possible out in the "DIRT" with her and appreciating the desert... I mean really.. is there anything better?
"Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of."
Benjamin Franklin
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Sad..
Ok, I'm sad.. I think I'm a pretty independent person. I mean, I'm a single mother, I own my home, and all of my stuff.. I don't have a lot of debt (besides my house).. I do a lot on my own. I never really realized how involved my family is in my life tho. Yes, they have stuck their noses where they don't belong, but I suppose I allowed that.. :) My brother went back to jail last month, and yes, I do realize how much I miss him all the time. It's his own fault tho and he knows it. He gets out some time next month and is leaving the state for good. He can't come back. Kinda bums me out.
My parents have moved out of the state as well. So when he gets out, he'll be moving out there with them. I think that's a good thing. I hope he can find himself out there. I guess my point is, I miss my family. Indifferent or otherwise, whether we get along or not.. They are my family and I do miss them. And, that makes me a little sad. Kinda thought I would have more to say, but I guess not. Hope you are doing well.
"Moving on is simple, it's what you leave behind that makes it so difficult"
My parents have moved out of the state as well. So when he gets out, he'll be moving out there with them. I think that's a good thing. I hope he can find himself out there. I guess my point is, I miss my family. Indifferent or otherwise, whether we get along or not.. They are my family and I do miss them. And, that makes me a little sad. Kinda thought I would have more to say, but I guess not. Hope you are doing well.
"Moving on is simple, it's what you leave behind that makes it so difficult"
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